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    Drives You Round The U-Bend

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “The fish tank I have is really dirty and starting to smell, so I want to clean it but someone told me that I can’t use tap water in a fish tank.”

    Me: “Yeah, you either have to get spring water or buy a bottle of water conditioner, and just add that to the tap water.”

    Customer: “Oh. What if I use toilet water instead of tap water?”

    Catcher In The Sky

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is this bird?”

    Me: “Sir, how did you get the bird out of the cage? The cage was locked.”

    Customer: “Oh, I got this one from the birds you have outside by the door.”

    Me: “Those aren’t our birds.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Sir, you picked up a wild bird. But congratulations, because I can’t imagine it was a simple task.”

    Dog On Demand

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I need some help.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I want to buy a dog.”

    Me: “We don’t sell dogs or cats here. Our company has a policy against it because of the number of unwanted dogs in animal shelters.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? Of course you sell dogs, they’re right there!”

    Me: “Actually, that’s our grooming salon, where customers can bring their pets for a haircut or bath. Would you like me to show you the adoption computer?”

    Customer: “It’s nice that you’re making the dogs pretty for me. Now, when can I see them?”

    Me: “Those dogs belong to other people sir. It’s the grooming salon.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I get it. They’re all sold.”

    (The customer sees a woman walking by with a Labrador on a leash.)

    Customer: “I’ll take that one then. I can get a discount since it’s a floor model, right?”

    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter

    | Dearborn, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m looking for the right kind of food for my new rottweiler puppy.”

    Me: “No problem, I’d be happy to help you. And since your little guy here is a large breed dog, he needs to stay on the puppy food for two years before switching to the adult formula.”

    Customer: “Large breed?”

    Me: “Yes, this little guy is a rottweiler mix. He will probably be around 90-110 pounds.”

    Customer: “Oh…so if I keep him on puppy food, will he stay small like this?”

    Fido’s Fashion Emergency

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, operator. Can you please connect me to [pet store]?”

    Me: “This is [pet store], ma’am.”

    Customer: “[Pet store]! I NEED TO BE CONNECTED TO [pet store]!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is [pet store].”


    Me: “Ma’am, this is [pet store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, this is [pet store]? I’d like to buy a doggie sweater.”

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