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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Best Pet Advice, Ever

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what do you need?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a puppy. I need one that doesn’t grow.”

    Me: “Uh… all puppies grow.”

    Customer: “But, I need one that doesn’t.”

    Me: “Maybe a toy chihuahua? They only get to be about 7 lbs.”

    Customer: “How big are they now?”

    Me: “They’re about 4 lbs right now.”

    Customer: “BUT THAT MEANS THEY GROW!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all puppies grow.”

    Customer: “BUT I WANT ONE THAT DOESN’T.”

    Me: “Then maybe you should try Build-A-Bear.”

    Dog Bites Owner, Files For Emancipation

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    (A woman comes into the grooming salon with a dog whose hair is extremely matted.)

    Customer: “I’d like her to have very long hair. Right now it’s all tangled and looks short.”

    Me: “I can’t actually leave her hair long. She’s matted to the skin, and policy says we must shave her. I’ll try to get my longest blade through, but it will most likely be naked.”

    Customer: “I don’t want her shaved. I want her hair long.”

    Me: “I can’t make her hair long. It’s matted. Her skin is red, it’s matted so tight. It needs to be shaved for her health, and our policy is to shave her or we don’t groom the dog.”

    Customer: “Can you guys do anything?”

    Me: “Yes. Shave her. Just this one time, and when you pick her up I can show you the brush you should buy to keep her hair from matting as it grows out.”

    Customer: “I’m not shaving her! I want her hair long. Not short. LONG.”

    Me: “I can hear you. It’s shave or nothing, I’m sorry, it’s policy and really the best interest for the dog.”

    Customer: “You should do as I’m telling you because I’M paying and it is MY dog.”

    Me: “YOU should brush YOUR dog, because it is YOUR dog and YOU chose to own it.”

    Customer: “I’m never coming back, and we’re going somewhere that will do what we want!”

    (She came back.)

    The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

    | Lafayette, LA, USA |

    (I am showing a guinea pig to a middle aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

    Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized
    to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

    Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”

    Customer Of The Week: Pet Care Hotline

    | Kentucky | Old Comics

    NEW: Not Always Right is pleased to announce Customer Of The Week, a comic which will run every Wednesday. It’s based on Not Always Right stories and is created by the fantastic folks at Quitting Time!

    Customer Of The Week, No. 1
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    Actually, Fido Is A Weapon Of Mass Destruction

    Poodle Bites Woman, Claims Insanity

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (I’m outside walking a small poodle before her bath.)

    Passing woman, to the poodle: “Oh, what a pretty kitty! Hello, kitty!”

    Me: “…”


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