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    How About A Chia Pet Instead

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (I walk up to a customer and her family holding one of our pet store rabbits.)

    Me: “So, are you ready to buy that rabbit?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I think I’m going to. What do rabbits need?”

    Me: “Well, the first thing a rabbit needs is a good home. We have a nice selection of cages start.”

    Customer: “I think I’ll just put it in with my guinea pig.”

    Me: “Well, that really isn’t a good idea. They should really have separate cages.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll put the guinea pig somewhere else. What else do rabbits need?”

    Me: “Vitamins are good for rabbits, especially younger bunnies who are making their first move–”

    Customer: “Can’t I use ferret vitamins?”

    Me: “Well, no, because rabbits are herbivores and ferrets are carnivores. They have different nutritional needs.”

    Customer, to husband: “I don’t need any vitamins!”

    Customer’s husband: “Well, what about food?”

    Me: “We have a large assortment of rabbit food. The more colorful ones that contain dried fruits and vegetables are really going to help your rabbit, especially if you don’t plan on feeding it fresh fruits and vegetables.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just feed it cat food?”

    Bird Brained, Part 5

    | Keene, NH, USA |

    Customer: “Your bird bit my kid.”

    Me: “Well, the birds can’t reach their beaks through the cages. Did your son have his finger in the cage?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Well, there’s nothing telling you not to.”

    Me: “Sometimes they get scared when you poke your fingers into their cages, and the only way they know how to tell you is to nip you.”

    Child: “Oh, okay. I bet he was just scared.”

    Customer: “You should put up some signs in here telling people your birds bite!”

    (I show the customer the signs posted on each and every bird cage asking customers not to poke fingers into the cages as the birds may bite, as well as the additional two on the doors entering the bird room.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! How do you know I can read?”

    Related:
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4

    Four Legged Friends And Their Two Legged Twits

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (A customer comes into our pet store during the winter.)

    Customer: “When they salt the streets, it burns my dog’s paws.”

    Me: “Well, we have shoes for your dog right over here.”

    (I show her the different sets of shoes we have available.)

    Customer: “Wait, why are there four shoes?”

    The Lesser Of Two Buttocks

    | Saint Clair Shores, MI, USA |

    Caller: “I’m finding out that hamsters like to move around a lot. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem with the hamsters?”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t like it when they move suddenly. It scares me. And I don’t like their rears.”

    Me: “Their…rears?”

    Customer: “Yes, their rears! I don’t like it when they don’t face me. Do you have a pet that doesn’t move as much?”

    Me: “Well, we have tarantulas… they mostly just sit there and move slowly and rarely.”

    Caller: “What’s a tarantula?”

    Me: “It’s kind of a big hairy spider.”

    (Suddenly, it sounds as if the phone has hit the ground. A few moments later…)

    Customer: “I think I’ll stick with hamsters.”

    Name Brain Drain

    | United Kingdom |

    (A customer reads my name tag.)

    Customer: “That’s a strange name isn’t it?”

    Me: “Heh.”

    Customer: “How do you pronounce that? Tain-ee…Trenay? Seriously, what is that? Welsh? Irish?”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Customer: “It sounds really exotic, really foreign.”

    Me: “No no, I am a Trainee. Trainee isn’t my name.”

    Customer: “Ohh, right. Well, thanks for the help, Train-ee!”

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