November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Info Is There But Nothing Clicks

| Burbank, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys carry [product]?”

Me: “No, but it’s really easy to find on the internet.”

Caller: “Oh. Do you have their number?”

Me: “A phone number for the internet?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Just turn your computer on, and go online.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have their number?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Just go online.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, can I get a discount?”

Me: “You want a discount from us for a product we don’t carry?”

Caller: “Yes.”

The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To get Neutered, Part 2

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

Customer: “Just like his dad.”

Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”

The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered

Savior This Customer

| Louisville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am checking out an elderly customer.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’re all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “You too. And keep Jesus close to you. He’s coming back, you know! Coming back to get all of us!”

I Pronounce Thee Idiot

| Ottawa, ON, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”

Nemo Would Not Have Survived This One

| Germantown, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “My kids need a terrarium or an aquarium for a cub scout project. They have to observe it for 30 days.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any pre-assembled.”

(I show her a tank, some pre-bagged dirt, plants, etc.)

Customer: “So, could I put a fish in there?”

Me: “Not with the dirt and plants, no.”

Customer: “Can I just stick it in a bowl with water, then?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Do you have to do anything with it?”

Me: “Feed it and keep the tank clean.”

Customer: “Do I have to do that more than once a month?”

Me: “Well, yes.”

Customer: “How long do those fish live?”

Me: “With proper care, up to a few years.”

Customer: *scoffing* “That’s way too long! They only need to observe it for a month. What do I do with it after that?”

Me: “You could ask your friends or your kids’ friends to see if someone would like to take it.”

Customer: “Can’t I just flush it?”

(I pause, not quite believing she was serious.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, store policy is that animals always come first. Quite honestly, if I knew that’s what you were going to do with it, I would hesitate to sell you a fish.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry. I wasn’t going to buy it tonight!”