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  • Like A Fish Out Of Water

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

    Customer: “My fish died again.”

    Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

    Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

    (I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

    Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

    Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

    Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

    Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

    Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

    Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

    (Don’t) See How They Run

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

    Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

    Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

    (I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

    Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

    Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

    Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

    (I show her the mice we have for sale).

    Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

    Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

    Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

    Will Have To Weight A While

    | Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A frequent customer comes in and tells me about her new job at a new gym.)

    Customer: “Anyway, I was hoping you could put these fliers out on the registers to hand out to your customers?”

    Me: “Sorry, but corporate doesn’t allow us to put out fliers for businesses that aren’t related to pet care.”

    Customer: “Oh, I understand. Maybe you could keep them in the drawer and just hand them out to the fat customers?”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (There is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to the nearest placed fire extinguisher and I am literally running while pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets in my way.)

    Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying to get back there to put it out.”

    Customer: “What!? You can’t take two minutes to help me find this cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am. unless you want this whole building to go up in flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t help me! I am never shopping here again!”

    Me: “I don’t care at this point I need you to move.”

    (I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire extinguisher.)

    Customer: “Oh…you weren’t making that up?”

    Models Are Always Catty

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

    Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

    Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

    Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

    Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

    Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

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