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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    Will Have To Weight A While

    | Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A frequent customer comes in and tells me about her new job at a new gym.)

    Customer: “Anyway, I was hoping you could put these fliers out on the registers to hand out to your customers?”

    Me: “Sorry, but corporate doesn’t allow us to put out fliers for businesses that aren’t related to pet care.”

    Customer: “Oh, I understand. Maybe you could keep them in the drawer and just hand them out to the fat customers?”

    Deal With The Burning Issue First

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (There is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to the nearest placed fire extinguisher and I am literally running while pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets in my way.)

    Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying to get back there to put it out.”

    Customer: “What!? You can’t take two minutes to help me find this cat food.”

    Me: “Ma’am. unless you want this whole building to go up in flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t help me! I am never shopping here again!”

    Me: “I don’t care at this point I need you to move.”

    (I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire extinguisher.)

    Customer: “Oh…you weren’t making that up?”

    Models Are Always Catty

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

    Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

    Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

    Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

    Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

    Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

    Hiss-terical Contest

    | London, UK | Pets & Animals, Top

    (It is closing time. I come across a man in the reptile section staring intently at one of our pythons.)

    Me: “Sir, just to let you know, the store will be closing in about–”

    (The customer silences me and continues to watch the snake.)

    Me: “Sir, did you–”

    Customer: “I heard you. I’ll be out in a minute. This brat mcan’t last much longer.”

    (The snake moves to the side, and so does the customer. It slithers back to its original position and he  suite. I notice his eyes are quivering all this time and he hasn’t blinked once.)

    Me: “Sir, forgive my asking but are you trying to have a staring contest with Archie there?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You do know snakes can’t blink, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, now you tell me? I’ve been challenging this brat for the last ten minutes!”

    If It Walks Like A Duck And Quacks Like A Fish

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I think my dog is allergic to this food I bought here.”

    Me: “That’s too bad. Would you like to exchange it for another kind?”

    Customer: “It’s the fish in it. I thought fish was good for dogs.”

    Me: “It is unless they are allergic to it, every dog is different. Why don’t you try this one? It has duck in it.”

    Customer: “Duck? Duck is fish!”

    Me: “No, it’s not.”

    Customer: “Well, what is it then?”

    Me: “Ducks are birds.”

    Customer: “But they go in the water!”

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