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    A Little Cuckoo

    | Folsom, CA, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals

    (It is the Christmas season and we sell clothing for dogs and cats. An old lady comes in and finds me standing near the birdcages.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have Santa hats?”

    Me: “Why yes, they’re right here.”

    Customer: *looks them over* “No, these are much too big.”

    Me: “What size of pet are you looking to buy a hat for?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “A Chihuahua?”

    Customer: “Smaller!”

    Me: “A teacup Yorkie?”

    Customer: “My Cockatoo!”

    Me: “Your…Cockatoo?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need to buy 10 Santa hats. One for each of my beloveds. Do you have any that small?”

    Me: “I don’t believe so.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?! This is a pet store! Why don’t you have any Santa hats for my babies?!”

    Me: *walking toward front door* “Well, ma’am, if you walk about 10 feet to your left, you’ll find [craft store] and I’m sure they’ll have all your Santa hat needs.”

    Customer: “Thank you! This is what good customer service is all about!”

    (She leaves. About an hour later, we receive an angry call.)

    Customer: *enraged* “Why didn’t she tell me it was a craft store and I had to make my own? Who the h*** wants to make their own Santa hats?!”

    Inventors Should Get Out Of Their Shell

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    Coworker: *on phone* "For a turtle? No ma’am, we only have those for cats and dogs. … I’ve never heard of that before, but if they exist, we don’t carry them. … I’m sorry, I’m a cashier and I’m not allowed to make those kinds of decisions. … Okay, you’re welcome."

    *hangs up phone*

    Me: "Did she want a pet carrier for a turtle?"

    Coworker: "Yeah, and when I told her that we don’t have them, she asked if we would carry them if she invented one."

    Chinchilla, I Choose You

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

    Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

    Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

    Algae Get Another One

    | United KingdomUnited Kingdom | Pets & Animals

    (A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)

    Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"

    Me: "What have you been feeding them?"

    Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."

    Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."

    Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."

    Stupid Customers Come With A Sign

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)

    Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”

    Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”

    (He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)

    Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”

    Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

    Customer: “They can’t?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

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