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    Chinchilla, I Choose You

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”

    Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”

    Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”

    Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”

    Algae Get Another One

    | United KingdomUnited Kingdom | Pets & Animals

    (A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)

    Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"

    Me: "What have you been feeding them?"

    Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."

    Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."

    Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."

    Stupid Customers Come With A Sign

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)

    Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”

    Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”

    (He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)

    Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”

    Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

    Customer: “They can’t?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

    Wet The Appetite

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”

    Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”

    Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”

    Customer:“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”

    Me: “Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”

    Customer: “Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”

    Not Quite An Eggs-pert

    | St Paul, MN, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

    Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

    Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

    Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

    Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

    Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”

    Related:
    Asking The Eggs-pert


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