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  • Bad Karma Chameleons

    | Honolulu, HI, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do you sell live crickets?”

    Me: “They’re bought as food for Jackson Chameleons, birds, and other animals. They have to be sold live because Jackson Chameleons have poor eyesight and can only see their food if it’s moving.”

    Customer: “That’s terrible! So they’re just going to die?”

    Me: “Well, chameleons have to eat, too. But it’s okay. It happens so fast that the crickets won’t see it coming.”

    Customer: “That’s so cruel! Why doesn’t someone tell them?! If I was going to be eaten, I’d certainly want to know!”

    What What It’s A Butt

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

    Mother:  ”Excuse me, miss?”

    Me:  ”How may I help you?”

    Mother:  ”Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

    (I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

    Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

    Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

    Child:  ”What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

    Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

    Me:  ”Er…that’s…”

    Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

    Me:  ”…its butt.”

    Mother:  *look of relief*

    (They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Petoskey, MI, USA |

    (A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

    Me: “You mean swimming?”

    Customer: “Why did it do that?”

    Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

    Customer: “It breathes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

    Related:
    Something Smells Fishy

    Owning A Pet Is Having A Ball

    | WI, USA |

    (Customer comes in to buy some more mice because hers aren’t breeding.)

    Customer: “How do you tell if the mice are male or female?”

    Me: “Well, the easiest way to tell is the males have quite prominent testicles.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know mice had testicles!”

    Me: “That’s probably why your mice aren’t breeding.”

    Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

    | WY, USA |

    (An irate customer comes flying through the door and slams a soaking wet, dead hamster on the counter. I recognize her as a woman I had sold a hamster to an hour ago.)

    Me: “Oh my goodness what happened?!”

    Customer: “I took this hamster home and he didn’t even live 10 minutes!”

    Me: “Why is he all wet?”

    Customer: “From being in the aquarium! He swam for awhile, but then he just dropped dead!

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you telling me you put him in an aquarium full of water?”

    Customer: “You told me hamsters can live in aquariums! You said I didn’t need to buy a cage specifically for hamsters!”

    Me: “Hamsters can live in an aquarium, but not in water! When you were picking him out didn’t you notice the others are in empty aquariums with bedding?”

    Customer: “You told me he could live in an aquarium! I demand a new hamster! One that is alive!”

    Me: “I really don’t think any of our animals are going to work out for you.”

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