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    Not Quite An Eggs-pert

    | St Paul, MN, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

    Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

    Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

    Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

    Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

    Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”

    Related:
    Asking The Eggs-pert

    Bird Brained, Part 6

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”

    Me: “Alright then.”

    Customer: “CACAAWW!”

    (Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5

    Like A Fish Out Of Water

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

    Customer: “My fish died again.”

    Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

    Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

    (I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

    Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

    Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

    Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

    Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

    Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

    Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

    (Don’t) See How They Run

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

    Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

    Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

    (I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

    Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

    Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

    Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

    (I show her the mice we have for sale).

    Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

    Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

    Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

    Will Have To Weight A While

    | Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A frequent customer comes in and tells me about her new job at a new gym.)

    Customer: “Anyway, I was hoping you could put these fliers out on the registers to hand out to your customers?”

    Me: “Sorry, but corporate doesn’t allow us to put out fliers for businesses that aren’t related to pet care.”

    Customer: “Oh, I understand. Maybe you could keep them in the drawer and just hand them out to the fat customers?”


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