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    Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

    | WY, USA |

    (An irate customer comes flying through the door and slams a soaking wet, dead hamster on the counter. I recognize her as a woman I had sold a hamster to an hour ago.)

    Me: “Oh my goodness what happened?!”

    Customer: “I took this hamster home and he didn’t even live 10 minutes!”

    Me: “Why is he all wet?”

    Customer: “From being in the aquarium! He swam for awhile, but then he just dropped dead!

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you telling me you put him in an aquarium full of water?”

    Customer: “You told me hamsters can live in aquariums! You said I didn’t need to buy a cage specifically for hamsters!”

    Me: “Hamsters can live in an aquarium, but not in water! When you were picking him out didn’t you notice the others are in empty aquariums with bedding?”

    Customer: “You told me he could live in an aquarium! I demand a new hamster! One that is alive!”

    Me: “I really don’t think any of our animals are going to work out for you.”

    Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

    | Germantown, WI, USA |

    (A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

    8-year old son: “Want to hear a joke?

    5-year old son: “Yeah!”

    8-year old son: “Knock knock.”

    5-year old son: “Who’s there?”

    8-year old son: “Merry!”

    5-year old son: “Merry who?”

    8-year old son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

    (I laugh.)

    Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”

    Customer’s A Real Dodo

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell any extinct fish?”

    (I pause to see if she is messing with me, but she is serious.)

    Me: “No, sorry. They are really hard to come by.”

    A Little Cuckoo

    | Folsom, CA, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals

    (It is the Christmas season and we sell clothing for dogs and cats. An old lady comes in and finds me standing near the birdcages.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have Santa hats?”

    Me: “Why yes, they’re right here.”

    Customer: *looks them over* “No, these are much too big.”

    Me: “What size of pet are you looking to buy a hat for?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “A Chihuahua?”

    Customer: “Smaller!”

    Me: “A teacup Yorkie?”

    Customer: “My Cockatoo!”

    Me: “Your…Cockatoo?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need to buy 10 Santa hats. One for each of my beloveds. Do you have any that small?”

    Me: “I don’t believe so.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?! This is a pet store! Why don’t you have any Santa hats for my babies?!”

    Me: *walking toward front door* “Well, ma’am, if you walk about 10 feet to your left, you’ll find [craft store] and I’m sure they’ll have all your Santa hat needs.”

    Customer: “Thank you! This is what good customer service is all about!”

    (She leaves. About an hour later, we receive an angry call.)

    Customer: *enraged* “Why didn’t she tell me it was a craft store and I had to make my own? Who the h*** wants to make their own Santa hats?!”

    Inventors Should Get Out Of Their Shell

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    Coworker: *on phone* "For a turtle? No ma’am, we only have those for cats and dogs. … I’ve never heard of that before, but if they exist, we don’t carry them. … I’m sorry, I’m a cashier and I’m not allowed to make those kinds of decisions. … Okay, you’re welcome."

    *hangs up phone*

    Me: "Did she want a pet carrier for a turtle?"

    Coworker: "Yeah, and when I told her that we don’t have them, she asked if we would carry them if she invented one."


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