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    What What It’s A Butt

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

    Mother:  ”Excuse me, miss?”

    Me:  ”How may I help you?”

    Mother:  ”Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

    (I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

    Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

    Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

    Child:  ”What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

    Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

    Me:  ”Er…that’s…”

    Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

    Me:  ”…its butt.”

    Mother:  *look of relief*

    (They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Petoskey, MI, USA |

    (A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

    Me: “You mean swimming?”

    Customer: “Why did it do that?”

    Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

    Customer: “It breathes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

    Related:
    Something Smells Fishy

    Owning A Pet Is Having A Ball

    | WI, USA |

    (Customer comes in to buy some more mice because hers aren’t breeding.)

    Customer: “How do you tell if the mice are male or female?”

    Me: “Well, the easiest way to tell is the males have quite prominent testicles.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know mice had testicles!”

    Me: “That’s probably why your mice aren’t breeding.”

    Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

    | WY, USA |

    (An irate customer comes flying through the door and slams a soaking wet, dead hamster on the counter. I recognize her as a woman I had sold a hamster to an hour ago.)

    Me: “Oh my goodness what happened?!”

    Customer: “I took this hamster home and he didn’t even live 10 minutes!”

    Me: “Why is he all wet?”

    Customer: “From being in the aquarium! He swam for awhile, but then he just dropped dead!

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you telling me you put him in an aquarium full of water?”

    Customer: “You told me hamsters can live in aquariums! You said I didn’t need to buy a cage specifically for hamsters!”

    Me: “Hamsters can live in an aquarium, but not in water! When you were picking him out didn’t you notice the others are in empty aquariums with bedding?”

    Customer: “You told me he could live in an aquarium! I demand a new hamster! One that is alive!”

    Me: “I really don’t think any of our animals are going to work out for you.”

    Don’t Knock Knock Christmas

    | Germantown, WI, USA |

    (A dad and his children are in my checkout line. I’m ringing up items for the family when I hear his children talking to each other.)

    8-year old son: “Want to hear a joke?

    5-year old son: “Yeah!”

    8-year old son: “Knock knock.”

    5-year old son: “Who’s there?”

    8-year old son: “Merry!”

    5-year old son: “Merry who?”

    8-year old son: “Merry, it’s almost Christmas!”

    (I laugh.)

    Dad: *looking at me and laughing too* “Yeah, I was wondering where he was going with that.”


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