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    Someone Has Baggage

    | Valdosta, GA, USA |

    (The cashier calls me up to the register to check a price for a product that’s ringing up as more than the shelf tag indicated. I run to check, and report back.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, it appears the sale sign was still up. But our system no longer recognizes the sale price. We’ll change the price for you.”

    Customer: “Have you ever had a bag placed over your head?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re fixing the price for me. So today’s not that day.”

    The Info Is There But Nothing Clicks

    | Burbank, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pet store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you guys carry [product]?”

    Me: “No, but it’s really easy to find on the internet.”

    Caller: “Oh. Do you have their number?”

    Me: “A phone number for the internet?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Just turn your computer on, and go online.”

    Caller: “So, you don’t have their number?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Just go online.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, can I get a discount?”

    Me: “You want a discount from us for a product we don’t carry?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To get Neutered, Part 2

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

    Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

    Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

    Customer: “Just like his dad.”

    Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”

    Related:
    The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To Get Neutered

    Savior This Customer

    | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (I am checking out an elderly customer.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’re all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”

    Customer: “You too. And keep Jesus close to you. He’s coming back, you know! Coming back to get all of us!”

    I Pronounce Thee Idiot

    | Ottawa, ON, USA |

    Customer: “Okay. I want a healthy dog food with no corn, wheat, or soy.”

    Me: “Well, we have this [product] here. It’s free of all fillers. It’s local, and has glucosamine, condriton, and msm.”

    Customer: “Oh, my! No! Forget It! I don’t trust anything I can’t pronounce!”

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