(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)
Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”
Me: “I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”
Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”
Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”
Customer:“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”
Me: “Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”
Customer: “Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”
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Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?
Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”
Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”
Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”
Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”
Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”
Related:
Asking The Eggs-pert
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Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Customer: “No, just the bird seed will do.”
Me: “Alright then.”
Customer: “CACAAWW!”
(Moments later, a similar bird call comes from the other end of the store.)
Me: “What was that?”
Customer: “Oh that’s my wife. We do that so we can always find each other wherever we go.”
Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
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(Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)
Customer: “My fish died again.”
Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”
Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”
(I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)
Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”
Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”
Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”
Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”
Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”
Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”
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Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”
Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”
Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”
Me: “Probably a dwarf.”
(I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)
Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”
Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”
Me: “Yes, a mouse.”
(I show her the mice we have for sale).
Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”
Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”
Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”
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2,459 Thumbs Up!)
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