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    Avoid This Customer Like The Plague

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a large pet supply store which also sells pet rodents and rabbits. My job includes offering advice and info to those who want to buy a pet.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are these a kind of hamster?”

    Me: “No sir, those are rats.”

    Customer: “Wild rats?! Are you sure they’re not a kind of long-tailed hamster?”

    Me: “They’re definitely rats. They’re not wild; they’re domestic. They’re also known as ‘fancy rats’.”

    Customer: “Okay, so do they carry the plague, too?”

    (I’m used to this question. It’s always been asked jokingly, so I chuckle.)

    Me: “Nope, no plague. Rats are very clean pets and are actually cleaner than your average pet dog or cat.”

    Customer: “I don’t want disease in my house. Are you sure these aren’t carrying plague?”

    (I realise he is totally serious.)

    Me: “I assure you, these rats are perfectly safe to own.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! How do you know?”

    Me: “I actually own several rats and they make really lovely pets. They’re very clever and affectionate.”

    (Suddenly, he becomes very agitated and backs away from me. He covers his mouth by lifting his t-shirt over it, simultaneously revealing an obscene and racist tattoo on his stomach.)

    Me: “Sir, I need you to lower your shirt please…right now.”

    Customer: *loudly so everyone in the store can hear* “She has plague rats in her house! Stay away from her! Oh my God, what the f*** is wrong with you?! Do you want people to get ill?! I’ll kick your a** in for trying to make me ill!”

    (At this point, two burly male colleagues of mine come running from other aisles to help. They make the customer put his shirt back down and try to escort him out of the shop, but he struggles like mad in his bid to ‘warn’ everyone. They have trouble restraining him, despite their height and strength.)

    Customer: “She’s diseased for God’s sake! She has plague rats!”

    (One of my coworkers who has been escorting him out decides he’s had enough and speaks up.)

    Male Coworker #1: “I keep rats too, mate. Now, get out in case I give you the plague too! Don’t come back, either—the plague might be in the air!”

    (At this, the customer freezes and then bolts screaming from the shop. The other customers applaud my coworkers, I get an extra 10 minute break and three nice people gave homes to pairs of rats after wanting to find out more about them!)

    How About A Chia Pet Instead, Part 2

    | Louisiana, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am bagging some fish for a customer who is setting up a new tank.)

    Me: “Alright, here are your fish. If you’d like to follow me, I can show you where the fish food is.”

    Customer: “Fish food? You mean I have to feed them?”

    Me: “Well, yes, unless you want them to die.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have time to feed any pets. Don’t you have an animal I don’t have to feed?”

    Related:
    How About A Chia Pet Instead

    A Runaway Train Of Thought, Part 2

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (An elderly couple enters the store and starts checking out our collection of animals.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Yes, we would like a pet…maybe a cat, or a dog…”

    Woman: “…or a rabbit, or a turtle.”

    Man: “Yes. One of those…”

    Woman: “…or all of them.”

    Man: “Oh yeah, that’s possible too…”

    Woman: “…and a hamster. Don’t forget the hamster!”

    Man: “And a few birds…”

    Woman: “…or cake. I’d like cake…”

    Man: “…with a cup of coffee. ”

    Woman: “Yeah. That’s across the street. I see!”

    Man: *to me* “Okay, thank you sir. goodbye!”

    Me: *amused and confused* “Enjoy your cake…goodbye!”

    Related:
    A Runaway Train Of Thought

    As Stupid As She Is Contagious

    | Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (It’s late one evening when a customer walks into the store, obviously not feeling well. Our store emails coupons to loyal customers.)

    Customer: “I have coupons but I forgot to print them out. I’m not asking for the discount today, but if I bring them in tomorrow could I still get the discount?”

    Manager: “To get the discount on today’s items, you will have to have the coupons with you when you checkout.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding me! So you want me to come all the way back here tonight when I’m this sick?”

    (She storms to the back of the store, grabs a small bag of dog food, and tosses it roughly onto the counter.)

    Customer: “Who’s your district manager? This is such crappy service! I shouldn’t even be out doing this today! I was just diagnosed with whooping cough!” *leaves*

    (Both my manager and I look at each other, surprised. He takes down her information and gives her the number for the district manager.)

    Me: “Why’d you take her information down?”

    Manager: “So I know who to send my medical bill to if I get sick.”

    The (H)owling

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    (I call a customer because her order has arrived.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [store]. Your owl has arrived. You can pick him up at your convenience.”

    Customer: “Great! I’ll come by today!”

    Me: “If you need any advice, you can call us any time.”

    Customer: “Oh, but I’ve read up on owls. Raw meat every day and walks twice a day! And buy ear plugs before every full moon!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, you know it’s a bird, right?”

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