(It is the Christmas season and we sell clothing for dogs and cats. An old lady comes in and finds me standing near the birdcages.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am! How can I help you today?”
Customer: “Do you have Santa hats?”
Me: “Why yes, they’re right here.”
Customer: *looks them over* “No, these are much too big.”
Me: “What size of pet are you looking to buy a hat for?”
Me: “A Chihuahua?”
Me: “A teacup Yorkie?”
Customer: “My Cockatoo!”
Customer: “Yes! I need to buy 10 Santa hats. One for each of my beloveds. Do you have any that small?”
Me: “I don’t believe so.”
Customer: “What do you mean?! This is a pet store! Why don’t you have any Santa hats for my babies?!”
Me: *walking toward front door* “Well, ma’am, if you walk about 10 feet to your left, you’ll find [craft store] and I’m sure they’ll have all your Santa hat needs.”
Customer: “Thank you! This is what good customer service is all about!”
(She leaves. About an hour later, we receive an angry call.)
Customer: *enraged* “Why didn’t she tell me it was a craft store and I had to make my own? Who the h*** wants to make their own Santa hats?!”
Coworker: *on phone* "For a turtle? No ma’am, we only have those for cats and dogs. … I’ve never heard of that before, but if they exist, we don’t carry them. … I’m sorry, I’m a cashier and I’m not allowed to make those kinds of decisions. … Okay, you’re welcome."
*hangs up phone*
Me: "Did she want a pet carrier for a turtle?"
Coworker: "Yeah, and when I told her that we don’t have them, she asked if we would carry them if she invented one."
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”
Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”
Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”
(A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)
Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"
Me: "What have you been feeding them?"
Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."
Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."
Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."
(I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)
Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”
Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”
Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”
(He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)
Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”
Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”
Customer: “They can’t?”
Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”