Should Have Vetted Their Outbursts

| ON, Canada | Pets & Animals, School

(I have worked in a pet store selling dogs and cats for five years at this point, and wear a tag that says my name and that I am a ‘dog specialist.’)

Customer: “Psh, dog specialist my a**. That girl looks like she is just starting high school.”

Coworker: “So, [My Name], how is your third year of veterinary school going?”

(The client turns bright red and leaves the store. The next day, she came back and started asking me questions as to why her dog might be limping.)

How To Neuter A Prank Call

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(The phone ring.)

Me: “Hello, You’re through to—”

Caller: “—ah, yes. Do you neuter men?”

(There is giggling in the background, and it is clearly a prank call.)

Me: “Yes, we do. In fact, I am with a patient right now.”

(One of the parrots chooses that moment to scream.)

Me: “Sam, if you held still this wouldn’t hurt so much! Sorry, we ran out of anesthetic and he just won’t hold still… Hello?”

Carried Away With The Carrier

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work at a pet store where a donation bin is located at the entrance/exit. People can drop off pet food and toys into these bins to be picked up by an organization that distributes them among local shelters; all this is clearly written on the bin. I am working the register when a customer who just spent around $150 dollars on cat supplies mere seconds ago returns and inquires about the bin.)

Customer: “Is that bin for donations?”

Me: “It is.”

Customer: “So could just take a few things? The kind of food my cat eats is there and I really like one of the carriers.”

Me: “No, sorry, everything there is going to a shelter.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I mean, if you’re giving it all away anyway, why can’t I just take a few things?”

Me: “Because everything in that bin is for local shelters. We can’t give it to anyone else.”

Customer: “Can’t you make an exception? I really like that carrier.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t let anyone but the [Collection Agency] take anything from that bin.”

Customer: *annoyed and raising her voice a bit* “What difference does it make if I take a few things? Either way it’s going to an animal! You just want me to have to spend more money here!”

Me: *speaking calmly despite my annoyance* “I’m sorry, but those items are not mine to give. People drop them off to go to shelters, so until [Collection Agency] picks them up they must remain in the bin.”

Customer: “What’s a shelter gonna need with a fancy carrier like that, anyway?!”

Me: “Shelters often have to transport their animals for vet trips and adoption events. Granted, not many people donate carriers, but that’s all the more reason that such a donation would be appreciated. I can’t give anything from that bin away.”

Customer: *suddenly speaking softly and dejectedly, probably in an attempt to gain sympathy* “But it’s the holidays…”

Me: “Yes, and shelters really need these items.”

Customer: “Fine!” *storms out*

Getting Red Over Going Green

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m ringing out a lady who is using two cards for one transaction. One is a gift card and the other a debit card.)

Me: “Just run that through as credit.”

Customer: “Which one is credit?”

Me: “Hit enter.”

Customer: “Which one?”

Me: “The green one.”

(She hits green and I give her a second total and she goes to slide her second card.)

Customer: “I want credit.”

Me: “Okay, same thing, just hit green.”

Customer: “I hit cancel for credit?”

Me: “No. Enter.”

Customer: “Which one is enter?”

Me: “Green.”

Customer: “Red?”

Me: “No. Green.”

Will Have To Take His Query With A Pinch Of Saltwater

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I am a manager at a pet store. I notice customer looking at the fish so I greet him.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I have a fish tank I set up last week and I’m ready to put a ‘Nemo fish’ in it.” *I assume he means a clown fish*

Me: “Salt water is always fun. We have a few different species of clown fish as well as other species of fish that can go with them.”

Customer: “I already picked the others I want.” *walks me over to the platys*

Me: “You said you have a saltwater set, right?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but platys are fresh water and unable to live in salt water.”

Customer: “So they can’t live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Customer: “Well, what do I need so they can live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… they can’t. One is freshwater and the other is saltwater.”

Customer: “But what do I need so I can mix them?”

Me: “Sir, as I said, they can’t be mixed. It’s biologically impossible to mix them. They need opposite types of water to live, salt or fresh.”

Customer: “Listen to me, god d*** it! Just tell me what I need to put them in the same tank!”

Me: “The only way to keep them in the same tank is if you have a tank divider and make one side freshwater and the other side salt water.”

Customer: “Well I might as well have two tanks then, but I’m not buying another f****** tank. NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE BOTH OF THOSE FISH IN THE SAME DAMN TANK!”

(At this point I’m not sure how I can more accurately explain why this wont work the way he wants. He starts cursing at me to fix his problem and becomes very irate.)

Me: “Well, sir, you’re going to have to engineer a new fish that can live in both, and if you manage that I’m sure will win some kind of prize.”

(The tank ended up being a one-gallon desktop tank, although this was not as bad as a customer that got mad because I would not sell them a bearded dragon, a turtle, and a scorpion to all live in the same 10-gallon tank. That one wanted the animals to be friends and said I was stupid when I told her they would kill each other.)

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