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    You’re Minnow Good

    | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (A customer comes into our fish department and points at the minnows.)

    Customer: “I want 30 these!”

    (Being the new girl in training, I count out 30 minnows, bag them, and start tying off the bag. Then, after watching me the entire time closely, the customer speaks up.)

    Customer: “They too small! You grabbed small ones!”

    (So my trainer comes over to see what the problem is. I explain I grabbed all the minnows from the large minnow tank and my trainer confirms this with the customer. However the customer continues:)

    Customer: “She grabbed all small ones and I want big ones!”

    (The coworker training me wanted to choke him with a bag but instead dumped the 30 fish back into the tank and re-caught 30 ‘bigger’ minnows. They were all the same size.)

    She’s Not Stupid, She Just Acts Like It

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I am a manager and have been called up to the register by my cashier because a customer is disagreeing with a price on a cat bed. They have pre-printed prices and have just gone up in price. We have missed tearing one of the old price tags off. The beds are also on sale for $3.00 off with a rewards card.)

    Customer: “This bed of a different color said it was $14.99 but it’s ringing up as $19.99.”

    Me: “Of course! The price of these actually just changed. We must have missed that other one while taking the tags off. I can change that for you.”

    (I go to the screen and point the numbers out to the woman as I speak.)

    Me: “Okay! So, the bed is also on sale today for $3.00 off. So what I’m going to do is push the computer to change the price to $17.99 and then it will automatically take off that additional $3.00 for me, bringing the price down to that $14.99 for you today!”

    Customer: “Okay, so the bed is on sale, after being $14.99? So shouldn’t the price be lower?”

    Me: “The sale is for $3.00 of off the $19.99 price. So if I price match that lower price for you, it’s the lower price of the two options.”

    Customer: “But the other bed said $14.99 and it’s on sale! I’ll show you!”

    (At this point I try to interject as I believe her 100% and have no problem changing the price for her. She insists though and I wait patiently for her to bring the bed back to me. Meanwhile, her husband is laughing and apologizing for her. Note, she had no idea the bed was on sale previously.)

    Customer: *holding the other bed out to me* “See! This says $14.99 right on the tag.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, and that’s what you’re paying for the bed today.”

    Customer: “But it was on sale!”

    Me: *getting agitated* “Yes, ma’am, it is, off the price of the bed now. But since we forgot to remove that price tag I’m giving it to you for $14.99 instead of $16.99.”

    Customer: “Okay, but if I came into the store right now and went to go get a bed, how much would I pay for it?”

    Me: *exasperated* “$16.99!”

    Customer: “Listen, I’m not stupid! I’m a smart person; I’m just trying to get you to understand. I need to understand. Why am I paying that much for the bed?”

    Me: *literally throwing my arms in the air* “Ma’am, how much would you like to pay for the bed today!?”

    Customer: “It’s not that! It’s the principle of it!”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. I am not going to stand here all day and argue with you. Please, tell me how much you think you should pay for the bed and I will change it for you.”

    Customer: “No, just forget it! I’m not stupid; you’re missing the point.”

    Me: *sighs* “All right, Ma’am. Well, you have a great day.”

    (I walked away, finding several associates in the nearby aisles, that had been listening and laughing. Apparently, after checking out, she tried to explain to my cashier how I was wrong, expressing again how she wasn’t stupid!)

    Flamingoing From Bad To Worse

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a cashier on register with no one in my line. The phone rings:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    (There is an obviously drunk woman on phone:)

    Caller: “Do you sell flamingos?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear that. Could you say it again?”

    Caller: “A flamingo! Do you sell flamingos?”

    Me: “You mean the pink bird at the zoo?”

    Caller: “Yes, flamingos! Do you sell flamingos?”

    (At this point a customer comes up to my register.)

    Me: “No ma’am; we do not sell flamingos or any other kind of exotic animal. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

    Caller: “Too bad. What about giraffes?”

    Me: “Tell you what. Call back when you are sober. I have a customer waiting.” *click*

    Customer: “Did they seriously ask for a flamingo?”

    Me: “Yep, and a giraffe. Sorry you had to wait.”

    Customer: “You do know it’s rush week, right?”

    (There are no less than six universities in the city. Rush week is when freshmen pledge to a sorority or fraternity and have to do challenges to get in.)

    Me: “Oh, no! Thanks for the warning.”

    (I let my manager know. We got ten similar calls that day, and more the rest of the week.)

    (Two Can) Play At That Game

    | Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (This guy comes in roughly every other day, and buys one can of cat food at a time.)

    Customer: “Do you have any more [Brand] cat food?”

    Me: “There’s none on the shelf?”

    Customer: “No, I just want the new ones.”

    (I look at the delivery that just came in, and see the cans he want are on the very BOTTOM of a stack of about 15 cases.)

    Me: “I am NOT moving all of those cases for one can.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll buy four.”

    (I move all the cases, causing a landslide in the process.)

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just get two cans.”

    H2-Slow, Part 6

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A lady comes in looking for a fish.)

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Lady: “Well, I want to get a fish for my daughters birthday.”

    Me: “Any type of fish in mind?”

    Lady: *points to the betta fish* “This one is very pretty, so this one.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a tank for it?” *points to tank*

    Lady: “I don’t need a tank; I can just put him in a cup.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am. You cannot just put a fish in a cup. It needs to be in a tank.”

    Lady: “That’s silly; all it needs is water and a cup!”

    Me: “How about food? It needs more room than just a cup. Also, it needs a filter.”

    Lady: “Wait, doesn’t it eat the water?”

    (I told her all the stuff she needed for the fish. Instead she got a hamster because it was much easier to take care of. I made sure to give her guidebooks and told her to call us whenever she needed help with something.)

    H2Slow, Part 5
    H2Slow, Part 4
    H2Slow, Part 3

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