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  • Needs A Seeing-Eye-To-Eye Dog

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (Our dog boarding is less than $30/night. A client walks into my office while I am on the phone, and immediately begins tapping her foot impatiently. I smile at her and indicate that I will be with her in just a moment. I hang up and turn to her.)

    Me: “Hello, Mrs. [name]. Welcome home! You’re here to pick Molly from boarding, right?”

    Client: “Finally. What’s the damage this time? I swear every time I bring her in, your prices get higher.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry you feel that way. Actually just so you know, ma’am, our prices haven’t changed since we moved into this facility three years ago.”

    Client: “Exactly! You all are just trying to pay for your new building by hiking up prices for your clients. You should be ashamed! I have been a client for years! I should be entitled to some privileges!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry. I have to charge all our clients the same price. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.”

    (The client begins tapping her foot again, glaring at the floor.)

    Me: “Well, with eight nights of boarding and a bath, the total comes to [total]. Will that be cash or credit?”

    (The client throws her purse on the floor.)

    Client: “You’ve got to be f***ing kidding me! My hotel didn’t cost that much for the week I was gone! You dumb b***! I am not paying more for my dog’s hotel than I did for mine!”

    Me: “Less than $30/night for your hotel? Oh my, how lucky! I remember you telling me when you dropped Molly off that you were going to stay at the Four Seasons. That must have been some deal you scored! What booking website did you use, if you don’t mind me asking?”

    (The client turns red, looks away, and slides her credit card across the counter as she mumbles.)

    Client: “Forgot I told you that. I’ll be paying by card.”

    Pulling The Fur Over Your Eyes

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hello, [pet hotel], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I have five or six of these stray cats that keep coming in my yard. Can you come take care of them?”

    Me: “No sir, you would need animal control to help you with that. Would you like me to give you their number?”

    Caller: “But they’re killing my wife’s flowers! Why can’t you just come get them?”

    Me: “Sir, we’re a boarding facility, we watch peoples’ pets for them. We don’t take strays.”

    (The caller argues for the next ten minutes before finally hanging up. About two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Hello, [pet hotel], how may I help you?”

    Same caller: “Yeah, I have six cats that I need to board…”