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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Bad Owners Unleashed

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Top

    (One of the dogs we are grooming attacks one of the staff. The staff member is taken to surgery to have their bicep muscle reattached. No one is able to enter the salon because the vicious, very large dog is on the loose in the shop. We are standing outside the shop in the main store. We call the dog’s owner, and he arrives two hours later.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you called the police on my dog! He’s a good dog!”

    Me: “Sir, when we had to call the ambulance, the police came with them. We didn’t call them specifically.”

    Customer: “Yes, you did! You are all racists!”

    Me: “Sir, please just get your dog out of my salon. Other customers want their pets, and your dog is holding my shop hostage.”

    Customer: “My dog doesn’t bite. He’s a nice dog.”

    Me: “Please, just get your dog out of my salon.”

    (The customer goes into the salon, grabs the dog, puts the chain on it and comes out. Everyone backs away. The dog is snarling and lunging at other customers. The police are following him to fill out paperwork.)

    Customer: “By the way, were you able to cut his nails?”

    Hair In Mid-air

    | Orem, UT, USA |

    (A customer brings in a beautiful long haired Shih Tzu for a trim up. As I am petting the dog, I feel that she is very matted.)

    Me: “I am sorry, but Missy is very matted. She needs to be shaved down very close to her skin.”

    Customer: “Oh no, she’s not matted. Can’t you see how long her fur is? I brush her every day.”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, ma’am, but you are only getting the hair on top. The hair on the bottom has become very matted and needs to be shaved.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just shave the bottom and leave the top?”

    Customer Service: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, can I get my dogs nails clipped?”

    Me: “Yes, have you been here before?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “OK.” *pulling up info* “It looks like your dog’s rabies certificate expired last month.”

    Customer: “I have the papers at home. I’ll bring it in next time.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, we need the current rabies certificate to do nails.”

    Customer: “So you don’t want to do them?”

    Me: “I can’t do them, sir. It’s our policy.”

    Customer: “I thought that was just for grooming.”

    Me: “No sir, it’s for all services. I can’t–”

    Customer: “Fine, I’m never coming back again!” *storms out*

    You Can’t Always Love What You Do

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (While closing up shop alone one night, two gentlemen walked in and the following conversation took place.)

    Customer: “So, uh…how much experience do you need to groom dogs?”

    Me: “Well, none to start out. They start you as a bather, and then after about three months they send you through an academy to learn how to groom dogs.”

    Customer: “You gotta go to school for this?”

    Me: “Yes – it’s actually not as easy as it looks.”

    Customer: “You make a lot of money?”

    Me: “Well, that’s hard to say. We work on commission so…it just depends on how many dogs you can do in a week.”

    Customer 2: “You think if you’ve got a cruelty to animals charge, they’ll let you work here?”

    Me: “…no.”

    He’s Dying – But He Looks Fabulous!

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Top

    Customer: *calling on the phone* “Hello, I’d like to make an appointment with the groomer. My dog won’t get up and walk around, and every time I touch his leg, he whimpers. I think it may be broken.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think the groomer is the best place to take an animal with a broken leg. Your best bet would be to call a vet, and have them look at the animal.”

    Customer: “Vets are expensive. A groomer deals with animals as well – shouldn’t they know everything a vet does?”

    Me: “Ma’am, bringing a dog with a broken leg to a groomer is like bringing a kid with a broken leg to a hairdresser. I think a vet would be a much better choice.”

    Customer: “Well, I NEVER! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    Me: “I wont lie to you; that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever had to say. You have a nice day.” *hangs up*

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