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    Make Him Go Red In The Face

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (My father runs a dog grooming shop, and I have been helping him out there since I was about 10 during times when I’m not in school. During the time of this exchange, I was maybe 14 and working the counter when an older man, maybe in his 50s or 60s, came to pick up his dog.)

    Man: “I’m here to pick up Maggie.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $42 today.”

    Man: *smiles* “So, is your hair dyed, or are you a natural redhead?”

    (I had recently bleached my hair from black in an attempt to get it light enough to dye bright red. It was a bright orange color from the bleach, and very obviously not a natural color. On top of that, my eyebrows are dark brown, revealing my natural color.)

    Me: “Um, I bleached it from black, and it just kind of turned this color. It wasn’t on purpose.”

    Man: “Oh, I see. Yeah, my ex-wife was a redhead. Feisty little thing, she was.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice.” *awkward smile*

    Man: “But, yeah, I’m just bringing Maggie by to be groomed while I’m waiting for my wife to get out of physical therapy. She can’t move around very well.”

    Me: “All right. Well, if you’d like to hand over your leash and collar, I’ll go get Maggie for you.”

    (I go to get the dog and he leaves with her, only to forget his wallet on the counter. Still not sure if he did that on purpose or not, really. I of course have to call him and let him know that we have it, so he immediately returns.)

    Me: “Here’s your wallet, sir.”

    Man: “Thanks. Haha, you didn’t use my card to buy a new car, did you?”

    (Considering the subtle yet creepy lines he’d dropped, I wasn’t sure if he had realized how young I was. I decided to drop a hint.)

    Me: “Oh, no, haha. I’m nowhere near old enough to drive.”

    (He started to look a bit surprised and just left with a simple thank you. I haven’t seen him since.)

    Not Dog’s Best Friend

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (We are a grooming shop inside a larger pet store. One of our bathers brings out a dog that is going home. Since she worked on the dog, she proceeds to inform the owner how it went.)

    Bather: “[Pet] did pretty good for a first timer, but got a bit scared and tried to nip—”

    Customer: “BAD DOG!”

    (She then starts screaming and leans over our counter to take a swing at her dog with a closed fist. The dog ducks and hides behind the bather.)

    Me: “Ma’am! Please don’t hit your dog in here!”

    (She scowls at us and still looks angry, but we have no choice but to hand the dog over. A few minutes later one of the floor associates rushes in.)

    Associate: “The lady that just left just started kicking the s*** out of her dog and is now trying to stuff it in the trunk!”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (The bather calls the cops while I and the associate rush outside. We can’t see the dog in the car but the owner is in the driver’s seat, on her phone and screaming at us, as we box her in her parking space to keep her from leaving until the police arrive.)

    Police Officer: “I can take it from here. All of you get back inside.”

    (We never saw the woman again, but I still think of that poor dog.)

    Cut Price Cut-Throats

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

    Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

    Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

    Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

    Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

    (She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

    Woofing Vicariously

    | Tennessee, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A customer brings in two Chihuahuas for nail trims.)

    Customer: “The male will need to be muzzled.”

    (The groomer prefers not to muzzle a dog unless absolutely necessary, but gets the correctly-sized muzzle, and put it on the dog as requested. The dog struggles a bit, but is not unduly stressed.)

    Customer: *screaming* “Take it off! Take it off! It’s too tight! I’m claustrophobic!”

    Wetness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Brisbane, Australia | Pets & Animals

    (I operate a mobile pet hydrobath, and I’m brushing knots out of a border collie before washing him. He is still completely dry when his owner comes out of the house.)

    Customer: “Where’s the drowned rat?”

    Me: *laughs* “He’s not drowned yet. I’m just going to brush out these knots.”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Aww, who’s a drowned rat?”

    (I figure he can’t see into the bath and didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “I haven’t washed him yet. I’m just giving him a good brush first.”

    (The owner climbs into the trailer where he can clearly see the completely dry dog.)

    Customer: *to his dog* “Now that’s a drowned rat if ever I saw one!”

    Me: “Heh, not yet—”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Who’s a drowned rat?”

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