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    Pestering Pests About Rodents At Rest

    | MN, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I’ve got a hamster I need you to get rid of!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t get rid of hamsters.”

    Caller: “Well why not? Isn’t it just a rodent?”

    Me: “Yes, I think it might be, but it’s domesticated. We don’t get rid of domesticated animals.”

    Caller: “But it’s dead.”

    Me: “It’s dead?”

    Caller: “Yeah! It’s dead behind the stove!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t just come pick up dead animals; we really cant help you.”

    Caller: “Okay. Thanks anyway.”

    (The caller hangs up. I turn around to a coworker intending to tell her about my weird call. She holds up her finger, puts someone on hold, and blows out a huge sigh.)

    Coworker: “Hey! I’m going to need a manager! This lady wants to know why we can’t prevent birds from landing in her yard!”

    You’re Just Ants-ing For Trouble

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (Note: when people start our service, they sometimes see more bugs in the first week because the chemicals agitate them before they die. We usually get a lot of calls from first time customers freaking out about this, so we have recently asked the techs to explain this to customers so we get less calls.)

    Me: “Pest control, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m very concerned. I just started with you and I don’t have any ants.”

    Me: “Well, that’s a good thing. That means its working.”

    Customer: “But I was told I would see more ants after the treatment! I don’t see any! This is horrible!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have our techs tell all our customers that because sometimes they do. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. Actually, that’s a REALLY good thing.”

    Customer: “But I don’t see any ants! I don’t know what to do!”

    Me: “I’m not sure that I can help, because you don’t seem to have a problem.”

    Customer: “I DO have a problem! NO ANTS!”

    Detox, Retox

    | New Jersey, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pest control] this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just got medicated on Thursday and I am not due in again until next week. However, I have to work the day I am supposed to come in. Can I come in and get medicated today? I know you are closing soon I can get over there soon.”

    Me: “Um, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Customer: “Oh, this isn’t the methadone clinic?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is a pest control company.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*

    Don’t Vex The Unisex

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    Me: “This is Alex. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your name is Alex?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, that threw me off. I was expecting a man, but I guess your parents were too.”