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    Paint Strokes Of Genius

    | Virginia, USA |

    (We have a small version of the Mona Lisa for sale.)

    Customer: “How much is that?”

    Me: “15 dollars.”

    Customer: “Is it the original?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh. I’m trying to get my hands on the original.”

    Five Days Later

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)

    Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”

    Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”

    Customer: “Yeah, right here.”

    Me: “Thank you sir. There’s a 5 day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”

    (He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)

    Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”

    Me: “Right here, sir…

    (I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)

    Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”

    (About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)

    Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”

    (I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our back room in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)

    That’s A Lot Of Tubes

    , | Los Angeles, CA |

    (A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

    Me: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my internet.”

    Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my internet!”

    Me: “Umm…do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

    Customer: “No man, I wanna pawn my internet! My INTERNET!”

    Me: “Like…your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

    Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

    (She never came back.)

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