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    Full Of S***

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    (A guy with a dog walks up to our car park.)

    Guy: “Can I bring my dog in here so it can take a dump?”

    Me: “Sorry, we can’t allow you to do that. Plus, you don’t even look like you’re carrying anything to clean up the mess.”

    Guy: “No, I’m not carrying anything to clean it up so you’ll have to do that. My dog needs to go to the toilet. You’re not being very helpful here.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m just here to direct people to where they need to park.”

    Guy: “Look, my dog needs to go to the toilet and I’m bringing it in.”

    Coworker: “Look, you bloody moron. This is a car park, not a g**d*** toilet! Take your dog and piss off!”

    Guy: “You are not being very helpful at all! ¬†I’m going to go and issue a complaint against you but after I bring my dog in here and let it do its business!”

    Coworker: “You bring your dog in here and we’ll have you fined. This car park is located on government property and allowing a dog to go to the toilet carries a fine.”

    Guy: “It’s people like you who are what is wrong with the world!”

    At Least She Giggled

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…”

    Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?”

    Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!”

    (No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.)

    Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!”

    (I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.)

    Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?”

    (She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.)

    Keyless Start, Please Meet Clueless (Old) Fart

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    (A customer comes out and hands me his valet ticket for his car. I go back to the key box and notice that I had written that he hadn’t given me his keys. He had one of those key-less start cars that you don’t need to put in a key to drive, but the key still has to be in the car to start it.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, you did not give me the keys to your car.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. You see this is a key-less start car here, son. You don’t need a key to start it.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am aware that it is a key-less start, but I still need the key to be in the car to start it.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand me here kid. It is KEY-LESS. You don’t need my key. Now please just go get my car.”

    Me: “Sir, I know what you are saying, but I have parked many other cars like this..”

    Customer: “Listen to me boy! I am an adult! I have had that car for a while, and I think I know a little more about how it works than you, don’t you think?! Now go get my car or I will tell the manager!”

    (I try to tell him once again that I need the key, but he just screams and goes to get the manager. I tell the manager what the problem is.)

    Manager: “Sir, he is correct. You need the key to start the car.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD!! Are you all idiots here?!”

    (I take him and the manager to his car. I ask him for the key, which he gives me.)

    Me: “Sir, please show me how to start the car without the key inside.”

    Customer: “Ok, fine then!”

    (He tries to press the engine start button, which doesn’t start.)

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Well, are you going to give me the keys so I can start my car?! Jesus, everyone knows you can’t start this type of car without a key! You should be fired!”

    (That was the night I quit my job.)

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