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    Learning The Hard Way

    | AZ, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I am a parking garage attendant. We have a separate entrance for our parking permit holders. There is a large sign which says ‘Permit Entrance’ above it. I check people’s permits as they go in. A driver speeds into the permit entrance, screeching tires and all.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you in here.”

    Driver: “Why not?”

    Me: “In order to come in this entrance, you need to have your permit displayed on your rear view.”

    Driver: “Are you stupid? There’s no hole in my permit! How could I put it on the rear view?”

    Me: “That’s odd. All the permits we hand out have a hole in them so they can be hung from the rearview. May I see your permit please?”

    (She pulls out a learner’s permit from the DMV and hands it to me.)

    Driver: “See? That’s my permit. No hole, idiot.”

    Me: “…that’s a learner’s permit. I need to see a parking permit.”

    Driver: “Parking permit?! I don’t have one of those! Just let me in already! Don’t you know who I am?”

    Me: “I have no idea who you are. What I do know is that first of all, you’re trying to get in here without a parking permit, which I can’t let you do. Second of all, you’re driving alone on a learner’s permit, which is against the law. So you have, oh, five seconds to scram before I call the cops.”

    (She speeds off as I write down her plate number. I call the police. Later, I hear that she was cited for multiple violations, one of which was, naturally, driving alone with a learner’s permit.)

    Military Intelligence, Part 5

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8 please.”

    (The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

    Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

    Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

    Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

    Me: “The clock is on military time.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

    Related:
    Military Intelligence, Part 4
    Military Intelligence, Part 3
    Military Intelligence, Part 2
    Military Intelligence, Part 1