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    Dodging The Point

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m refereeing a dodgeball game at a widely known indoor trampoline park. I am currently watching over a little kids game. The mother of a crying child approaches me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me, but why is my son out?! Is he not allowed to play or something?”

    Me: “Ma’am, your son was hit with the ball.”

    Mother: “What do you mean?! That other kid clearly targeted my son!”

    Me: “I’m sure he did…this is dodgeball.”

    Mother: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “You have to dodge balls. If you are hit with a ball in dodgeball, you are out.”

    Mother: “This is just stupid!” *leaves with her crying child*

    The Great State Of Confusion

    | Michigan, USA | Tourists/Travel

    (I work at the front booth charging entry and parking fees to park visitors. Most of these visitors are tourists from Chicago. The entry fee is different for in-state and out-of-state license plates on the vehicles.)

    Me: “Hello! Welcome to [state park]. Do you have a Michigan license plate or an out of state license plate?”

    Customer: “No. No, I don’t have that.”

    Me: “Are you from Michigan or out-of-state? What is the state on your license plate?”

    (Suddenly, the customer screams loudly and throws his hands up in the air as if he were terrified.)

    Customer: “My ID! You need to see my ID? I have ID!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t need to see your ID. I just want to know where you are from.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “What state are you from?”

    Customer: “Chicago. The state of Chicago.”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Ignorance

    Caldera Cravings

    | CA, USA | Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

    Tourist: “Have I seen everything there is to see here?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. What have you seen?”

    Tourist: “Everything on the way in. Have I seen it all?”

    (I point out several of the other options.)

    Tourist: “Can I drive through any of the caves?”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. They all have to be walked through.”

    Tourist: “That’s ridiculous! Is there at least an elevator?”

    Me: “Nope, just stairs.”

    Tourist: “Well, where’s the river of lava? I was here a few years ago, and I got to stand by the lava.”

    Me: “Ma’am, molten lava hasn’t been here for over 1,000 years.”

    Tourist: “Yes it has! I’ve seen it! You just haven’t been here long enough!”

    Not All Re-Cycling Is Good

    | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in a public park, riding my quad. A little girl comes up and asks for a ride. Since I’m not accustomed to giving strangers rides, I politely decline. A few minutes later, an angry woman storms up.)

    Woman: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Woman: “Why won’t you give my daughter a ride?! You made her cry!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that.”

    Woman: “So you’ll give her a ride?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable giving strangers rides.”

    Woman: “What terrible service! I am going to report you!”

    (I hear her on the phone with the police.)

    Woman: “Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride on her quad. No, I don’t know her. What?! No, I am not on drugs!”

    Modern Parks Just Aren’t Cutting It

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (An angry-looking man storms up to me with his camera still around his neck.)

    Customer: “I’d like to file a complaint!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that sir. What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Why don’t you call some of your maintenance men to get out in the park and mow the grass?”

    Me: (Assuming he means a lawn area, as this is a national park.) “Where did you mean, sir?”

    (The customer names one of the park’s prime visitation spot, which is famous for its inner fields.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the grass is kept long to provide habitats and protection for the animals in the park.”

    Customer:”Why the h*** would you do that? Don’t hide them! I paid money to come take pictures of them! The animals are here for me to take pictures of!”

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