November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

You Can Snake Around But The Answer Will Be The Same

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I am a ranger at a state park, leading a group of tourists on a short hike and telling them about the park, then an activity that involves digging through swamp muck to find critters that live in the swamps. I have a ball running and participating in this program and find that most people from 3-70 have as well, though it is geared mostly towards younger kids. Among others, I have with me a family of French speaking guests: a mother, a 7- or 8-year-old boy, and two teenagers.)

Boy: *in broken English* “You will show me snake?”

Me: “If we see a snake I will point it out! I can definitely tell you what type it is and all about it! Keep on the lookout.”

Boy: “No, you show me snake.”

Me: “I… can’t just make one appear. But we do have a good number of snakes in our park! Hopefully we will see one today.”

Boy: *points* “Snake. You tell snake?”

Me: “Oh, did you find one already? Awesome! Show me where? I can tell you all about it!”

Mother: *expectantly* “No, he wants you to find him a snake out here, right now. We want to see a snake, now.”

Me: “I… can not just make one appear, I am sorry. They are wild animals that live in this park and come and go as they please.”

Mother: *scoffs, then talks to her family in French, who also all scoff* “This is not a good program for teenagers!”

Me: “Okay? It is geared towards younger kids mostly, though all ages find it enjoyable, I have found. I had an elderly couple having a ball with me yesterday! You might have more fun if you participate in searching?”

(They continued to talk to each other angrily in French and shoot dirty looks my way as I continued on with the rest of my program for the others. Next time I turned to them, they were gone. 10 minutes later we spotted not one, but three snakes!)

A Minefield Of Stupidity

, | Pákozd, Hungary | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History

(There is an exhibit on the conscription in the memorial park, and in that unit we also have a part attributed to the demolition experts, with panels about mine clearing, explosives, and projectiles. Since Hungary was a war zone under both World Wars, and the neighbouring countries also have/had local wars, there are plenty of these mines, projectiles, and bombs scattered around, still dangerous; most of the time, they are found in public places, even at schoolyards and nurseries, fields, rivers, etc. Because of this, we are obligated to give a small but thorough speech about the most common dangers. Be advised that generally people receive similar warnings at school, preschool, and even in the media. As it seems, it is not effective:)

Me: *finishing my spiel about what to do* “…so, if you find any of these, you just leave it in peace, and call an adult.”

Mother: *cupping her daughter’s ears, so she cannot hear me* “Don’t worry, honey, this isn’t true anymore…”

Me: *speechless*

Father: “Oh, I think I have one or two of these at home!” *points at one of the smaller bombs* “But they are intact… I mean, they are whole, not distorted like these…”

Me: *hoping he bought a replica* “Oh? Where did you get them?”

Father: “Well, I was ploughing, and they just sort of came out of the ground.”

Me: *alarmed* “And where did you put them?”

Father: “In the garage, I think…”

Seven-Year-Old Son: “Yes, they are there. I usually play with them!”

Me: *agitated* “Please, sir, as soon as you get home, don’t enter the garage and call the police!”

Father: “Why?”

Say Neigh To Demanding Customers, Part 2

| Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large adventure playground which is situated in a park. We are strictly a ‘no pets allowed’ establishment; however, the park is popular with dog walkers and is used for obedience and agility classes, so it is a common occurrence to have people come along with their dogs and get frustrated when we have to turn them away. In this situation I am overhearing one of my coworkers speaking on the phone.)

Coworker #1: “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”


Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our playground has a strict ‘no pets allowed’ policy.”

(Longer pause.)

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry to hear that, but we really can’t make exceptions.”


Coworker #1: “Ye—” *pause* “But I—” *pause* “We—” *pause* “No, th—” *pause*

(This carries on for some time, until eventually my coworker seems to give up.)


(He hangs up the phone with force and drops his head to the counter.)

Coworker #2: “Another person wanting to bring their puppy in, huh?”

Coworker #1: “No. She wanted to bring her HORSE.”

Say Neigh To Demanding Customers

Theme Of The Park Is All Natural

| New River Gorge, WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “How do you get the boat to spin like we just did? Is it hooked up to wires?”

Me: “Um… ma’am, we are rafting on a river. This is not a ride. There are no wires.”

Customer: “I thought this was a ride, like at a theme park.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is a real river.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Guess I better not fall out, then.” *continues paddling*

Racism And Ignorance Go Hand In Hand

| USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

(I’m babysitting my three-year-old neighbor, and I bring him to a nearby park. A woman approaches.)

Woman: “How dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “I can’t believe you’re bringing your kid out in public like this! You’re setting a bad example for our kids! It’s like you’re saying that teenage pregnancy is alright!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that I had a kid at age twelve?”

Woman: “At age twelve? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “Ma’am, that kid is my neighbor.”

Woman: “I’m not going to fall for that! You’re both Chinese! You look exactly like each other!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m Chinese, but he’s Korean.”

(The woman turns bright red and stomps off.)

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