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    Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I like these glasses. They make me look more smarter!”

    Customer’s boyfriend: “Yeah, well looks can be deceiving.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Customer: Impossible, Part 2

    | High Desert, CA, USA |

    Woman: “My screw fell out of my glasses. Can you replace it?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    (I go in the back, replace the woman’s screw and bring it back.)

    Woman: “This is all wrong.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Woman: “This screw is silver. My screw was gold!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the only screws I have are silver.”

    Woman: “But my screw was gold. This thing is cheap.”

    Me: “To be fair your screw wasn’t gold. It just had gold paint on it just like your frames.”

    Woman: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Well, I looked at the other screw.”

    Woman: “I thought this frame was solid gold.”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. This is a $120 dollar frame. It’s not going to be made of gold with gold screws for $120 dollars.”

    Woman: “Well, can you give me a gold painted screw?”

    Me: “I only have silver, ma’am.”

    Woman: “Well I don’t want it.”

    Me: “Would you like me to take it out and give you back your broken glasses?”

    Woman: “No.”

    Me: “Than I suggest you take this screw.”

    Woman: “I don’t want it!”

    Me: “Then I’ll take it out for you.”

    Woman: “No! I need them to see.”

    (I hand her back her frame, still fully repaired.)

    Woman: “I DON’T WANT THAT SCREW!”

    Me: “Well if you find the screw that fell out, I will be happy to put it back in for you.”

    Woman: “I’ll never find it. It fell out a week ago!”

    Me: *bangs head on wall*

    Related:
    Customer: Impossible

    Bridezilla On Line 1

    , | High Desert, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [eye doctor's office], how can I help you?”

    Lady: “Hello, I want to check on the status of my glasses.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your full name?”

    Lady: “Lori Johnson, spelled L-O-R-I.”

    Me: “Okay, hold please.”

    (I check the computer for Lori Johnson and it doesn’t come up. I then check alternative spellings things like Laurie, Lory, Lauri, etc. All to no avail.)

    Me: “I’m sorry Miss, would you mind giving me your date of birth?”

    Lady: “12-21-1969.”

    (I do a search for that date of birth and one name comes up. Lori Smith.)

    Me: “Would you by chance be listed under any other name?”

    Lady: “NO!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll try searching by address.”

    (She gives me her address and sure enough, it matches Lori Smith.)

    Me: “I seem to have you listed in our computer as ‘Lori Smith’.”

    Lady: “That’s not me.”

    Me: “Well the date of birth matches, as does the address. Would you like me to search by social security number?”

    Lady: “That’s not my name. I got married and my last name is Johnson now!”

    Me: “Oh I’m sorry, your insurance still has you listed as Smith so that’s how we got mixed up. You’ll probably want to call them.”

    Lady: “That’s no excuse.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. But there was no way for us to know you got married.”

    Lady: “It was in the newspaper!”

    Me: “Okaaaaaay.”

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