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    Backwards Thinking

    | Colorado, USA |

    (I am dispensing new glasses to a customer.)

    Me: “Okay, now take a look around the store. Is your distance coming in clearly?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s backwards.”

    Me: “Backwards? What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The sign…the letters on it are backwards.”

    Me: “Which sign?”

    Customer: “The one in between the frames.” *customer then turns around and looks out into the store* “Now the sign looks right, but when I look this way,” *turns back around to face me* “…it’s backwards. This has never happened before! What’s wrong with my glasses?”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you looking in the mirror behind me?”

    Customer: “Oh! That must be it! Well then, my glasses are working wonderfully. Thank you!”

    Comprehension Hazy, Try Again

    | Norfolk, UK |

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where it says ‘frame includes single-vision lenses’, does that mean I can’t have trifocals?”

    Me: “No, it just means that the cost of the frame includes the price of single-vision lenses. If you wanted trifocals we would charge you the upgrade price to have them. They start at ¬£49 on top of the frame.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The difference between single-vision or trifocals?”

    Me: Oh, well, trifocals give you three different magnifications, into distance, intermediate and reading. Single-vision will only give you one of those.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I have a single-vision lens that does all of those?”

    Me: *checking her prescription* “…because your eyes need different levels of magnification to see each one clearly.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “When you are over forty, your eyes start to become lazy and have trouble focusing on close-up things, as well as things that are far away.”

    Customer: “I’m not lazy just because I’m over forty! Let me speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

    He’ll Raise The Dead And Validate Your Parking

    , | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (A woman comes in to my clinic with her 6-year-old daughter and approaches the receptionist.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need my daughter’s eyes fixed.”

    Employee: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “My daughter. She’s blind. I need you to fix it.”

    Employee: “Oh, um…is she totally blind? Can’t see a thing? How about light?”

    Customer: “No, she’s completely blind.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t think we can help you. How long has she been this way?”

    Customer: “Oh, all her life. She was born blind.”

    Employee: “…why didn’t you look for help earlier?”

    Customer: “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILDREN, MISSY!”

    (After listening in on the conversation, I decide step in.)

    Me: “Is there a problem here?”

    Customer: *pulls her daughter’s arm* “Yes. My daughter is blind and you need to fix it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing we can do. We don’t treat things like that here.”

    Customer: “NO! You call yourself an eye doctor! You must be able to fix her, and you WILL!”

    Me: “Like I said, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, god**** you all to h***! I’m going somewhere that will actually help us!”

    Me: “Ask Jesus, I heard he was good at that.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    After The Tornado, Dorothy Never Was Quite The Same

    | High Desert, CA, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Old Woman: “Well?”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Old Woman: “Are they here?”

    Me: “Are what here? Glasses? Contacts?”

    Old Woman: “MY GLASSES GOD D**N IT!”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to check. What is your last name?”

    Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

    Me: “Dorothy is your LAST name?”

    Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

    Me: “And your first name?”

    Old Woman: “Dorothy.”

    Me: “Okay, so your name is Dorothy Dorothy. Got it.”

    Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I like these glasses. They make me look more smarter!”

    Customer’s boyfriend: “Yeah, well looks can be deceiving.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.


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