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  • The Terrors Of Terminology

    | Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

    Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Some Customers Are Just Not Mourning People

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Just calling to let you know that the glasses you ordered have come in.”

    Customer: “Awesome, I’ll be there. Now I can leave this funeral early…”

    Should Get Her Eyes Tested

    | Marion, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [optometrists]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I looked up DNA tests on the internet, and your number came up.”

    Me: “I’m not exactly sure why that would be. This is an optometrist’s office.”

    Caller: “So, you can’t help me find my baby-daddy?”

    His Logic Has More Than Meets The Eye

    | Perth, Australia |

    (A customer walks in with a pair of glasses.)

    Me: “Hi. How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Do you mind pushing the lenses out of this frame for me? My wife wants just the frame for her lab work. She would like to use them as safety glasses.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The frame would be useless if I pushed the lenses out.”

    Customer: “No. She’s going to use them as safety glasses in the lab.”

    Me: “Are you sure, sir? It wouldn’t meet the standard of safety glasses if it doesn’t have any lenses.”

    Customer: “Yes! I’m 100% sure that they will work as safety glasses without any lenses.”

    (I remove the lenses for him.)

    Me: “Okay. If something was going to fling into her face, whatwould protect her eyes?”

    Customer: “These safety glasses!”

    Not Quite Seeing The Light

    | UK |

    Customer: “I can’t get on with these reading glasses. I can read fine with them here, but not at home.”

    Me: “Okay, have a look at the reading chart here.”

    Customer: “Well, I can read that here, but not at home when I read in the evening.”

    Me: “It’s quite bright here. What kind of lighting are you using at home?”

    Customer: “What difference would that make?”

    Me: “Well if you’re reading in poor light that can make it more difficult to see small print.”

    Customer: “Well, I just have a table lamp.”

    Me: “You might want to try a reading light. Better light does
    make it easier to see.”

    Customer: “I just want glasses that work! You don’t need light to see!”

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