Do Not Act Honorably

, | WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “Where is my order?”

Me: “It looks like we had an issue billing your purchase due to a ‘do not honor’ message from your card. We were successful in billing it recently.”

Customer: “EXCUSES! I demand some sort of free gift or something for having to wait. My teenagers come up with better excuses; do you want me to list some?”

Me: “I am really sorry for any confusion. We could not bill this order because your card would not let us. We would recommend reaching out to them for more information as to why they would not allow this charge to go through.”

Customer: “YOU GUYS ALWAYS TRY TO BLAME THIS ON SOMEONE ELSE WHEN IT’S YOUR FAULT. I AM NOT POOR! THERE WAS MONEY ON THE CARD!”

Me: “I am really sorry for this persisting confusion, a ‘do not honor’ message has nothing to do with the funds on the card. It is simply the card company putting a temporary hold on any purchases made on that card. For your security they do not provide us with any information as to why.”

Customer: “Well, then, I really need something free because you guys are making me wait to get my order!”

A False Scent

| Cape Town, South Africa | April Fool's Day

(I work for a group coupon website. As an April Fool’s joke, we post an online advert for an obviously fake perfume, with ingredients like ‘anger’ and ‘crushed hopes and dreams.’ On top of that, it cost R10,420, or about $861. Obviously, when they click the BUY button, it shows the price as R0. More than 2000 people ‘purchased’ it, but we had more than a couple of calls that went like this:)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Company]. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d just like to find out how you’re going to ship my [Fake Perfume]? It didn’t ask me for an address.”

Me: “Oh. Ma’am, that perfume isn’t real… It’s an April Fool’s joke.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. There’s a photo of the bottle on the website.”

Me: “Yes, one of our graphic designers made that.”

Customer: “Really? I thought it was a real perfume. Please cancel my order.”

Me: “But, ma’am, you didn’t actually pay for anything?”

Customer: “It’s fine. Just cancel my order, please. I thought it was real.”

Me: “…”

Out Of State, Out Of Mind, Part 2

, | TN, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I manage a customer service department for a company that sells aftermarket automotive accessories. We needed to confirm a shipping address to ship a product to a customer because the address that the customer entered during the online checkout process wasn’t coming up as valid in our system – so we called the customer for verification.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Rep: “Yes, ma’am, this is [Rep] from [Company] and we are needing to verify your shipping address because it’s unfortunately not coming up as valid.”

Customer: “Umm, what do ya’ll have down?”

Rep: *reads off address*

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it.”

(I had already googled the zip code provided and have now figured out the problem. The customer put in the state as Iowa but, to our disbelief, the address and Zip code links her to Ohio.)

Rep: “Ma’am, according to your Zip code you’re in Ohio and not Iowa.”

Customer: “Oh, no, that can’t be right. I’ve lived in Iowa for 10 years at least. Who are you to tell me where I do and don’t live anyway? I just want my stuff shipped! THIS IS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT AND YOU WILL RUIN MY CHRISTMAS IF I DON’T GET IT!”

(We have since pulled up Google maps and located her residence to be certain. We are positive that she really lives in Ohio and not Iowa since the address is still matching our search results and at this point everyone in the office is listening since the rep has graciously put her on speaker phone.)

Rep: “Okay, ma’am, just to double check…” *proceeds to describe the customers residence to the customer*

Customer: “Wow, that’s exactly what my house looks like. Ya’ll are some smart people! Where are ya’ll located?”

Rep: “Our office is in Tennessee, and where do you live again?”

Customer: “IOWA! Gosh what is so hard to understand about that?”

Rep: “I’m sorry ma’am. We’ve got this worked out and we are shipping your package today, to Iowa.” *but really to her confirmed address in Ohio*

(The rep finished up the phone call and hung up. We shipped the package and a few days later we called to confirm that the customer received her package. She did, in Ohio according to the UPS tracking number.)

Related:
Out Of State, Out Of Mind

An Epidemic Of Stupidity

, | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

(I work for a company that sells emergency preparedness gear, including gas masks, chemical suits, and other disaster response equipment. Any time there’s a disaster or terrorist attack, our sales go through the roof by ‘preppers’ and other panicking individuals. Recently, there’s been an Ebola epidemic with the first cases occurring in the United States; thousands of orders have been coming in and those who ordered entire sets of equipment are backlogged at least a month.)

Customer: “I’m checking on an order. I was charged but haven’t seen any shipping info yet. I placed it 7-10 days ago.”

Me: “And did you order any gas masks or full sets of equipment?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. I ordered a suit. For Halloween.”

Me: *thinking such a small order should have been finished, I pull up his information* “Sir, you didn’t order just a suit, you ordered an entire protective kit… mask, filter, suit, gloves, boots, etc.”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Me: “Sir, there’s a minimum one month delay on protective gear right now due to high order volume.”

Customer: “So, you mean I won’t have it for Halloween?”

Me: “No, sir. There is a panic epidemic going on and you were one of thousands who’ve been ordering these products.”

Customer: “Wow. I had no idea. So there’s no way I’m going to get a protective suit by Halloween?”

Me: “Sir, the entire industry is wiped clean. GLOBALLY. It will take them months to get back up to speed.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, you should really let people know when there’s an epidemic going on, so we know there’ll be delays.”

Second Life, Same Bigotry

| USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

Me: Can you describe the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

(I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

(Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

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