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  • An Epidemic Of Stupidity

    , | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Holidays

    (I work for a company that sells emergency preparedness gear, including gas masks, chemical suits, and other disaster response equipment. Any time there’s a disaster or terrorist attack, our sales go through the roof by ‘preppers’ and other panicking individuals. Recently, there’s been an Ebola epidemic with the first cases occurring in the United States; thousands of orders have been coming in and those who ordered entire sets of equipment are backlogged at least a month.)

    Customer: “I’m checking on an order. I was charged but haven’t seen any shipping info yet. I placed it 7-10 days ago.”

    Me: “And did you order any gas masks or full sets of equipment?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. I ordered a suit. For Halloween.”

    Me: *thinking such a small order should have been finished, I pull up his information* “Sir, you didn’t order just a suit, you ordered an entire protective kit… mask, filter, suit, gloves, boots, etc.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “Sir, there’s a minimum one month delay on protective gear right now due to high order volume.”

    Customer: “So, you mean I won’t have it for Halloween?”

    Me: “No, sir. There is a panic epidemic going on and you were one of thousands who’ve been ordering these products.”

    Customer: “Wow. I had no idea. So there’s no way I’m going to get a protective suit by Halloween?”

    Me: “Sir, the entire industry is wiped clean. GLOBALLY. It will take them months to get back up to speed.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should really let people know when there’s an epidemic going on, so we know there’ll be delays.”

    Second Life, Same Bigotry

    | USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

    Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

    Me: Can you describe the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

    Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

    Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

    (I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

    Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

    Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

    Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

    (Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

    Don’t Let Them Push(chair) You On The Price

    | England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (We’re selling our old pushchair. It was a gift and not really suitable. Despite it being pretty new and in excellent condition we are selling it for a fraction of the cost. We get a buyer and arrange a date to collect. The buyer and her young child knocks on the door.)

    Buyer: “Hi. I’m here for the pushchair.”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, great. Well as you can see, it is as-new. We must have only used it a few times.”

    Buyer: “Yeah. It looks great. But, I haven’t brought enough money with me.”

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, but we did agree on a price. It is already half that you would pay in the shops.”

    (The buyer turns to her child, and exclaims very dramatically.)

    Buyer: “Oh, no, baby! You won’t be able to have a nice new pushchair now. You were so looking forward to it as well!”

    (At this point I go to the door. I can see that the woman has intentionally upset her little boy, to try and make us feel sorry for him.)

    Me: “Look. We agreed on the price and we are not going any lower. You can either go get some cash out, or clear off. This is a bargain. We have lots of other people interested.”

    (The buyer stands there for a moment. I shut the door. Surprisingly, a few seconds later, she is standing there with the money ‘she found in her car.’ It was the exact amount.)

    Soft-Selling

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

    (We have got a new mattress, so I put the old one up on Craigslist. It’s free to the first person who comes to pick it up. Shortly after I post the ad, my phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I’m calling about the mattress. Yeah, is it a pillow-top?”

    Me: “No, sorry, it isn’t.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, I need a pillow-top. I’m having surgery next week, and I need a mattress with some support.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Caller: “So what are you going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: *angrily* “I need a pillow-top mattress!”

    Me: “Um, well, good luck?”

    From USB Port To Teleport

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am chatting online with a potential customer.)

    Customer: “Hey, I really like this necklace. Can I pay by Paypal?”

    Me: “Absolutely, if you follow the instructions on check out, you can pay and leave your shipping address there. I’ll get it shipped in the morning.”

    Customer: “Do I have to leave an address? Can’t you just email it to me?”

    Me: “Email you for your address?”

    Customer: “No, email me the necklace. I don’t want to give you my address.”

    Me: “You want me to email you the necklace?”

    Customer: “Never mind, cancel it. You’re too much work!”

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