November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

A-Salt-ed By Stupidity, Part 2

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work for an online gourmet food shop. They sell all kinds of neat things, ranging from gourmet sea salts to flavored sugar and spice blends. I was working the phones when I got this beauty of a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do your natural sea salts have any sodium in them? I need sodium-free natural sea salts.”

(Now I know they make fake ‘sea salt’ in labs for people who shouldn’t have too much salt, but these are NATURAL sea salts. CLEARLY LABELED.)

Me: “I’m afraid they do, ma’am.”

Customer: “Every last one of them? I need to find natural sea salt that doesn’t have any sodium in them!”

Me: “I’m… very sorry, ma’am. All of our NATURAL sea salts do have sodium in them.”

Customer: “Ain’t that some bull****. F*** this place.” *click*

Jon Snow Ordering Online

, | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer has ordered incorrectly. It is an item he cannot return because it’s final sale and it’s marked down.  All policies are in the FAQ.)

Me: *after explaining the policy* “You’re supposed to choose the color and size you need.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Me: “We have the steps on how to place an order in our FAQs.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, but we hold you responsible in placing your orders correctly. You’re aware that you placed an order ONLINE, right?”

Customer: “I didn’t know that! Someone’s supposed to assist me, like in a real store!”

Me: “We’re an online store sir. Like in every website, we have the policies in the FAQ and the chat room if you have questions. It is never advisable that you avail of something you have no idea of.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Got To Give Him Credit For Persistence

, | Beltsville, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work for an online retail store. Our website charges customer’s credit cards automatically when they place their order, and we often have to handle refunds for a variety of reasons. One customer decides we are taking too long to ship his order and demands we refund his card.)

Customer: “I’ve been asking for a refund for weeks and you promised me it was done last Friday!”

Me: “Sir, you cancelled your order last Thursday and the refund was put through on Friday.”

Customer: “I don’t see anything on my credit card yet!”

Me: “Sir, this is Monday. Transactions can take five to seven business days to process by the card issuer. I can provide you with the transaction ID number and you can talk to them, but as far as we’re concerned the refund is complete.”

(Customer is given the information and rudely hangs up. About one hour later, he calls back, even more furious.)

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You lied to me!”

Me: “Sir, please calm down. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You gave me a bogus number! My credit card company says that number is useless and they haven’t seen anything. You’re probably scammers and I’m going to report you to the BBB!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you the transaction was put through. Please just give it five to seven—”

Customer *interrupting* “That’s bull****! I asked them and they assured me that all transactions were immediate! I’m going to file a chargeback against you and report you!”

Me: “I’m not sure who told you that, sir, but that is how long it can take. If you wish to file a chargeback you are free to do so, but understand that this may lock the funds up even longer while they investigate your claim.”

(Customer curses us out and hangs up. About 30 minutes later, he calls back, calmer but with an attitude.)

Customer: “I want you to stay on the line. I’m putting this through on a three-way with my bank.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. I’ll stay on the line with you.”

Bank Teller: “This is [Major Credit Card]. How can I help you?”

(Customer proceeds to go on a rant about how we took his money and how he wants to take legal action to regain the funds.)

Bank Teller: “Okay, so you want to check on a chargeback claim. What is the case number?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a case number yet. I just want them to refund their money?”

Me: *to Bank Teller* “Ma’am, we have already performed the refund. I see the transaction in our processing statements and have an ID number.”

Bank Teller: “Wait, so this is a credit card refund?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Bank Teller: *to Customer* “Sir, if they’ve already refunded the card, you should see the transaction in five to seven business days.”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s not what they told me when I last called in! That’s bull-s***!”

Bank Teller: *sternly to Customer* “Sir, please do not use foul language. That is how long it takes to process the refund on our end.”

Customer: *much quieter* *sighs* “I see.”

Bank Teller: *in a serious voice* “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Thank you.”

Customer: *quietly* “No.”

(Bank Teller hangs up.)

Me: “Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *unhappy but quiet* “No. I guess I’ll wait.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. You have a nice day.”

(Customer hung up without a word.)

Purchasing Is Its Own Reward

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What can you do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, in regards to what specifically?”

Customer: “Well, I spend a lot of money with you guys and I don’t know if I should be talking to you or what but I want to know what you can do for me?”

Me: “Other than deliver great products at a great price quickly to your door?”

Customer: “I mean, is there a rewards program or something? I want something free for all my purchases.”

Me: “Sir, I see you are using a store Visa card with us. That does give you cash back on every purchase. I’m not exactly sure what it is you are asking, however. You’d like me to give you free products because you shop with us?”

Customer: “I guess I’m not talking to the right person.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think there is a right person.”

Customer: “Just transfer me to someone else.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(That was my first call of the day. No ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or explanation. Just ‘what can you do for me?’ Wow.)

Way To Burst Her Bubble

, | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in online customer service. I am on the phone with a customer inquiring about our personalized bubble sets.)

Customer: “So. what do the bubbles look like?”

Me: “Well, we have them in bottles shaped like wands, bells, the champagne bottles, etc.”

Customer: “Yeah, but what are the bubbles shaped like?”

Me: “Ma’am, they’re bubble shaped.”

Customer: “But the website says bell shaped.”

Me: “Yes, that means the bottle is shaped like a bell. The bubbles are bubble shaped.”

Customer: “But I want them shaped like bells.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s impossible to make the bubbles shaped like bells. They can only be bubble shaped.”

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