Zombie Management

| Torrance, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “**** Publishing, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Is Mr. **** in?”

Me: “I’m sorry, Mr. **** passed away last month.”

Caller: “Well, when is he coming back?!”

VIP: Very Irritating Person

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Caller: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “Sir, you called me.”

Caller: “Yes, I called to let you know I’m in a meeting.”

Me: “…” *hangs up*

Right Place, Wrong Attitude

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(I was the second-in-command at a social services agency. One day, our receptionist asked me to take a phone call from a person who was very upset about the way she was being treated, and wanted to talk to the person in charge.)

Me: “Hello, I’m ****, how can I help you?”

Caller: *angry* “Are you in charge there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I am the most senior person here. What can I do for you?”

Caller: *yelling* “So you have a boss?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”

Me: “My supervisor isn’t here right now. I have the authority to help you, ma’am, if you’ll just let me know what it is you need–”

Caller: “I REFUSE TO SPEAK TO ANYONE BUT YOUR SUPERVISOR! YOU ARE ALL USELESS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, my supervisor isn’t here right now. I am in charge.”

Caller: “YOU ARE USELESS!” *hangs up*

Me: *to the receptionist* “Did she tell you anything about what she needed?”

Receptionist: “Yes, she said she needed to take anger management classes.”

Now Hiring: Omniscient Employees

| Naples, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: ¬†”Good morning, this is ***. How may I help you?”

Caller: ¬†”Hi there! ¬†About a month ago you guys had a festival in the
park, right?”

Me: ¬†”Yes, we did. It was excellent. Did you attend it?”

Caller: ¬†”No,¬†I had just remembered seeing the ad for it in the newspaper.”

Me: ¬†”Okay. Well, that one is over but we will be having another Christmas festival in December.”

Caller: ¬†”That’s fantastic, but I was wondering… above your ad was an ad for a jewelry store. ¬†Do you remember?”

Me: ¬†”No, I don’t, I’m sorry. I just placed the ad.¬†I didn’t really see it in the newspaper.”

Caller: ¬†”Well, it was for a jewelry store… I was wondering if you knew what store it was and if you have their number handy?”

Me: ¬†”Umm, no I don’t. Maybe you can call the newspaper and find out?”

Caller: ¬†”Well, why don’t YOU have it?! It was above YOUR ad!”

A Bozo By Any Other Name

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

(The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.)

Client: “Your name is so stupid.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ”

Client: “Your parents must really hate you.”

Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?”

Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.”

Me: *stifles giggle*

Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!”

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