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    But Daddy, I Don’t Wanna Be An Ad Executive

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I’m coming into New York next week and I was wondering if you could watch my kid for awhile.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I googled ‘entertainment’ and ‘New York’ and your name came up. I saw that you do stuff with Nickelodeon. Where are you guys? Can I just drop her off?”

    Me: “Sir, this is an office. We handle transmedia needs for companies like Nickelodeon that want to expand awareness of their media into other formats.”

    Caller: “Oh, is that good for kids?”

    Ironically, She’s Applying For A Customer Service Position

    | Yukon, Canada |

    (I work in an employment office where we help people with their resumes. We often send/receive resumes as needed.)

    Caller: “Hi, my name is ***. Can you get my resume faxed for me?”

    Me: “Where would you like it faxed?”

    Caller: “It’s in Drayton Valley, Alberta.”

    Me: “Okay, so where in Drayton Valley would you like it sent?”

    Caller: “No, no, I need it sent to me HERE. It’s IN Drayton Valley. Someone there has it.”

    Me: “Who has it there?”

    Caller: “I dunno! Pam… something! She wrote it for me, and I need it! Phone Drayton Valley and get it for me!”

    Me: “Miss, Drayton Valley is a TOWN in Alberta. I need the name and number of whatever business or person in that town that has your resume, before I can have it sent here for you.”

    Caller: “I know that! Just phone around there! It’s a small town, someone will have it!”

    Me: “I can’t exactly go phoning random companies in a town asking if they have your resume.”

    Caller: “Well, it’s a small town like here! Someone will have it! Call someone named Pam… something.”

    Me: “Okay, look. I either need a company or persons name and their phone number to contact them to ask for it, or I can’t get your resume.”

    Caller: “Ugh! But I left my papers at home! Can’t you just phone around?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Caller: “FINE. I’ll have to FIND my papers MYSELF with the number. You’re supposed to be able to get my resume FOR me.”

    Me: “Only if I know who to talk to…”

    Caller: “Whatever!” *click*

    Existential Dilemmas

    | Piscataway, NJ, USA |

    Me: “Hi, Ms. B***’s office.”

    Caller: “Hi, is Ms. B*** in today?”

    Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

    Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

    Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?!”

    Related:
    Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

    Vague & Vaguerer

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    Me: “Good morning, *** Homes.”

    Customer with really thick accent: “How much is house?”

    Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

    Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

    Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

    Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

    Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

    | Warner Robins, GA, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, [company name], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [company president's first name].”

    Me: “May I ask who is calling?”

    Caller: “This is Joe. He is expecting my call.”

    Me: “… and you are with?”

    Caller: “Just put me through, he knows me and is expecting me to call.”

    Me: “I am sorry sir, but my instructions are to find out who is calling and what company they are with before transferring the call.”

    Caller: “Look, I am his brother and you better put me through right now!”

    Me: “Oh really? Well, I am his sister and I know for a fact that we don’t have a brother.”

    Caller: *click*

    (Salesmen will say anything to get through. And yes, I am the CEO’s sister.)

    Related:
    Liar Liar Panties On Fire

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