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    Ironically, She’s Applying For A Customer Service Position

    | Yukon, Canada |

    (I work in an employment office where we help people with their resumes. We often send/receive resumes as needed.)

    Caller: “Hi, my name is ***. Can you get my resume faxed for me?”

    Me: “Where would you like it faxed?”

    Caller: “It’s in Drayton Valley, Alberta.”

    Me: “Okay, so where in Drayton Valley would you like it sent?”

    Caller: “No, no, I need it sent to me HERE. It’s IN Drayton Valley. Someone there has it.”

    Me: “Who has it there?”

    Caller: “I dunno! Pam… something! She wrote it for me, and I need it! Phone Drayton Valley and get it for me!”

    Me: “Miss, Drayton Valley is a TOWN in Alberta. I need the name and number of whatever business or person in that town that has your resume, before I can have it sent here for you.”

    Caller: “I know that! Just phone around there! It’s a small town, someone will have it!”

    Me: “I can’t exactly go phoning random companies in a town asking if they have your resume.”

    Caller: “Well, it’s a small town like here! Someone will have it! Call someone named Pam… something.”

    Me: “Okay, look. I either need a company or persons name and their phone number to contact them to ask for it, or I can’t get your resume.”

    Caller: “Ugh! But I left my papers at home! Can’t you just phone around?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Caller: “FINE. I’ll have to FIND my papers MYSELF with the number. You’re supposed to be able to get my resume FOR me.”

    Me: “Only if I know who to talk to…”

    Caller: “Whatever!” *click*

    Existential Dilemmas

    | Piscataway, NJ, USA |

    Me: “Hi, Ms. B***’s office.”

    Caller: “Hi, is Ms. B*** in today?”

    Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

    Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

    Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?!”

    Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

    Vague & Vaguerer

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    Me: “Good morning, *** Homes.”

    Customer with really thick accent: “How much is house?”

    Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

    Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

    Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

    Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

    Liar Liar On The Telephone (Wire)

    | Warner Robins, GA, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, [company name], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to [company president's first name].”

    Me: “May I ask who is calling?”

    Caller: “This is Joe. He is expecting my call.”

    Me: “… and you are with?”

    Caller: “Just put me through, he knows me and is expecting me to call.”

    Me: “I am sorry sir, but my instructions are to find out who is calling and what company they are with before transferring the call.”

    Caller: “Look, I am his brother and you better put me through right now!”

    Me: “Oh really? Well, I am his sister and I know for a fact that we don’t have a brother.”

    Caller: *click*

    (Salesmen will say anything to get through. And yes, I am the CEO’s sister.)

    Liar Liar Panties On Fire

    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

    | Illinois, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “Is this %%%%?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    Me: “It’s okay…goodbye.”

    (They hang up, but seconds later, the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “Is this %%%%?”

    Me: “No, you’ve dialed the wrong number again.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    (The hang up … phone rings again.)

    Me: “If you keep hitting redial, you’ll just keep getting the same wrong number.”

    Caller: “How did you….oh!” *hangs up*

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

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