Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Right Place, Wrong Attitude

    | California, USA |

    (I was the second-in-command at a social services agency. One day, our receptionist asked me to take a phone call from a person who was very upset about the way she was being treated, and wanted to talk to the person in charge.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m ****, how can I help you?”

    Caller: *angry* “Are you in charge there?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I am the most senior person here. What can I do for you?”

    Caller: *yelling* “So you have a boss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”

    Me: “My supervisor isn’t here right now. I have the authority to help you, ma’am, if you’ll just let me know what it is you need–”

    Caller: “I REFUSE TO SPEAK TO ANYONE BUT YOUR SUPERVISOR! YOU ARE ALL USELESS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, my supervisor isn’t here right now. I am in charge.”

    Caller: “YOU ARE USELESS!” *hangs up*

    Me: *to the receptionist* “Did she tell you anything about what she needed?”

    Receptionist: “Yes, she said she needed to take anger management classes.”

    Now Hiring: Omniscient Employees

    | Naples, FL, USA |

    Me: ¬†”Good morning, this is ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: ¬†”Hi there! ¬†About a month ago you guys had a festival in the
    park, right?”

    Me: ¬†”Yes, we did. It was excellent. Did you attend it?”

    Caller: ¬†”No,¬†I had just remembered seeing the ad for it in the newspaper.”

    Me: ¬†”Okay. Well, that one is over but we will be having another Christmas festival in December.”

    Caller: ¬†”That’s fantastic, but I was wondering… above your ad was an ad for a jewelry store. ¬†Do you remember?”

    Me: ¬†”No, I don’t, I’m sorry. I just placed the ad.¬†I didn’t really see it in the newspaper.”

    Caller: ¬†”Well, it was for a jewelry store… I was wondering if you knew what store it was and if you have their number handy?”

    Me: ¬†”Umm, no I don’t. Maybe you can call the newspaper and find out?”

    Caller: ¬†”Well, why don’t YOU have it?! It was above YOUR ad!”

    A Bozo By Any Other Name

    | United Kingdom |

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    (The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.)

    Client: “Your name is so stupid.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ”

    Client: “Your parents must really hate you.”

    Me: “No, I’m sure they don’t. How can I help?”

    Client: “I want to check my registration. Name’s Horace Gumptin.”

    Me: *stifles giggle*

    Client: “Are you laughing at me? Your name rhymes with fattie!”

    Deranged Decades

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    (I used to work summers for my dad, who is a psychiatrist.)

    Me: “Good morning, Dr. ***’s Office, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ***. Can I speak with him?”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. ***?”

    Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940′s.”

    Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. *** wasn’t born at that time.”

    Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950′s. It was in the 1950′s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.”

    Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.”

    Caller: “Then it was the 1960′s, d*** it! It was at the [hospital] in Alberta in the 1960′s.”

    Me: “Dr. *** has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.”

    Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?”

    Me: “Well, considering that Dr. *** is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.”

    Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

    Me: “Wow…”

    But Daddy, I Don’t Wanna Be An Ad Executive

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I’m coming into New York next week and I was wondering if you could watch my kid for awhile.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I googled ‘entertainment’ and ‘New York’ and your name came up. I saw that you do stuff with Nickelodeon. Where are you guys? Can I just drop her off?”

    Me: “Sir, this is an office. We handle transmedia needs for companies like Nickelodeon that want to expand awareness of their media into other formats.”

    Caller: “Oh, is that good for kids?”

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