When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

| California, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
you a tour.”

Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

Third Time Is Not Charming

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(I work in a ground level office, and am usually the only one working within view of both the front and back doors.)

Customer: *coming in from the back hallway* “Hello, I’m here for my appointment.”

Me: “With who?”

Customer: “With [Name].”

Me: “I think you’re in the wrong office.”

Customer: “Oh, terribly sorry.” *goes back down to the backdoor, and reappears from the front door a few minutes later* “Hello, I’m here to see [Name] for my appointment?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the same office. You have to go down the stairs in the parking lot to get to [Company Name]. They’re on the basement level.”

Customer: “Oh! That explains it, thank you!” *heads out the front door again, but wanders back down the back hallway almost immediately*

Me: “Still in the wrong place, ma’am. You need to go downstairs.”

Customer: *scowling and glaring* “You’re much less polite than the other two boys!”

Wrong Said Fred

| New York, NY, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

Me: “May I help you?”

Caller: “Please put me through to [owner].”

Me: “Sure, who’s calling please?”

Caller: “His cousin Fred.”

Me: “I didn’t know he had a cousin Fred.”

Caller: “Why would you? You just answer phones! This is a family affair and none of your business! Who do you think you are anyway?”

Me: “[Owner]’s daughter.” *click*

Now Hiring: Paramarketers

| Nevada, USA | Uncategorized

(I work as a receptionist at my father’s company. I had a brother who passed away before I was born.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to speak to [name of owner].”

Me: “All right, sir, what’s your name and purpose of your call?”

Customer: “Oh, he knows me. I’m his son.”

Me: “Michael? You’re alive!”

Customer: *click*

I Deign That Spain Stays Mainly In The Brain

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. You don’t sound American. Where are you from?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh, from Mexico.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m Spanish.”

Customer: “You’re from Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I’m Spanish. I’m from Spain.”

Customer: “Oh, do they still have that country?”

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