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    Now Hiring: Paramarketers

    | Nevada, USA |

    (I work as a receptionist at my father’s company. I had a brother who passed away before I was born.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to speak to [name of owner].”

    Me: “All right, sir, what’s your name and purpose of your call?”

    Customer: “Oh, he knows me. I’m his son.”

    Me: “Michael? You’re alive!”

    Customer: *click*

    I Deign That Spain Stays Mainly In The Brain

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello. You don’t sound American. Where are you from?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh, from Mexico.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m Spanish.”

    Customer: “You’re from Puerto Rico?”

    Me: “No, I’m Spanish. I’m from Spain.”

    Customer: “Oh, do they still have that country?”

    Unraveling Incognito

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “This is [name of office]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where are you calling from?”

    Me: “You’ve reached [name of office]. How may help you?”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “My name is [name]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Why are you calling?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you called me.”

    Customer: “Yeah, somebody called me.”

    Me: “Alright, what is your name?”

    Customer: “That ain’t none of your business!”

    Me: “Ma’am, without your name, it is impossible for me to find out who called you.”

    Customer: “THEN I GUESS YOU’LL NEVER KNOW!” *hangs up*

    Taxing Faxing, Part 3

    | Michigan, USA |

    Me: “This is [office]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I was checking to see if you have received my fax.”

    Me: “I am sorry, that has not been received.”

    (I verify the fax number.)

    Caller: “Well, I wrote on the cover letter to call me if you didn’t receive it. Why didn’t you call me?”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Zombie Management

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “**** Publishing, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Is Mr. **** in?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Mr. **** passed away last month.”

    Caller: “Well, when is he coming back?!”

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