A Report, A Memo, A Notification

| Orange County, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, this is [name] at [company]. How may I help you?

Caller: “May I please speak to [co-worker]?”

Me: “He is not in the office today. May I take a message?”

Caller: “No, I just wanted to confirm if he got my email. Can you have him call me and let me know?”

Me: “Of course, may I get your name and phone number?”

(The customer proceeds to give me a phone number, the spelling of her name, and a detailed message.)

Me: “Okay, I have everything. I’ll be sure to give him your message as soon as possible.”

Caller: “No! I didn’t want to leave a message. I just want him to call me back.”

Me: “But you do want me to tell him it’s regarding your email, correct?”

Caller: “Yes! And don’t forget to let him know about the change in time.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll give him the message.”

Caller: “I’m not leaving him a message! I just want you to give him that information!”

Blind-siding Stereotypes

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a start-up company in a very small office space that used to be a window shades store. We occasionally get people knocking on the door looking for the old business. A gentleman knocks on the door and I talk to him.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought these blinds, and they don’t fit my window.”

Me: “Oh, you’re at the wrong place. That was the last tenant. This isn’t a shade store anymore.”

Customer: “Oh, but in the phone book this is listed.”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t updated it. We’re not a shade shop. I hope you get help with your problem.”

Customer: “Well, you might be able to help. You’re a woman. Women put up blinds a lot.”

Inter-Screwed

| London, UK | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

(I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

(I consult my notes.)

Me: “Mr. Becker?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”

Directionless Call, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: "Hello, this is [Company Name]."

Caller: "Hi, who just called me?"

Me: "I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception."

Caller: "Well, someone just called me from this number."

Me: "Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number."

Customer: "What are you?"

(I explain the company.)

Customer: "I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?"

Me: "It could be a wrong number."

Customer: "Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!"

Related:
Directionless Call

When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

| California, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
you a tour.”

Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

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