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    Inter-Screwed

    | London, UK | Extra Stupid

    (It’s early morning. I need to organise my notes, so I sit down in the Reception area. The suited guy next to me is looking very nervous.)

    Customer: “You’re a bit of a porker, eh?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’re really chubby. I mean, they told me they were considering someone else for the position as well. But if you’re all I’ve got to compete with, I’ve got it already!”

    (I realise that his pre-interview technique is from some old self-help book about psyching out the competition.)

    Customer: “And I was so nervous too! Guess you don’t have much of a chance, huh?”

    (I consult my notes.)

    Me: “Mr. Becker?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s me! How’d you know that? You’re here for the job too, right?”

    Me: “No, Mr. Becker. I’m Gary Robbins, a technical specialist from Human Resources. I’m here to conduct your interview.”

    Directionless Call, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names

    Me: "Hello, this is [Company Name]."

    Caller: "Hi, who just called me?"

    Me: "I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception."

    Caller: "Well, someone just called me from this number."

    Me: "Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number."

    Customer: "What are you?"

    (I explain the company.)

    Customer: "I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?"

    Me: "It could be a wrong number."

    Customer: "Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!"

    Related:
    Directionless Call

    When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

    | California, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at an office that has various different offices and 2 small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

    Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

    Me: “Well everyone here does something different, I happen to be tech support.”

    Customer: “Cool, do they make movies here?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, they might.”

    Customer: “Right on, do you know what kind?”

    Me: “Well they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

    Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

    Me: “Like I said I’m not sure, I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

    Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

    Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy, I’m not authorized to give
    you a tour.”

    Customer: “Come on, I’ll give you $5!”

    Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

    Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

    Third Time Is Not Charming

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in a ground level office, and am usually the only one working within view of both the front and back doors.)

    Customer: *coming in from the back hallway* “Hello, I’m here for my appointment.”

    Me: “With who?”

    Customer: “With [Name].”

    Me: “I think you’re in the wrong office.”

    Customer: “Oh, terribly sorry.” *goes back down to the backdoor, and reappears from the front door a few minutes later* “Hello, I’m here to see [Name] for my appointment?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the same office. You have to go down the stairs in the parking lot to get to [Company Name]. They’re on the basement level.”

    Customer: “Oh! That explains it, thank you!” *heads out the front door again, but wanders back down the back hallway almost immediately*

    Me: “Still in the wrong place, ma’am. You need to go downstairs.”

    Customer: *scowling and glaring* “You’re much less polite than the other two boys!”

    Wrong Said Fred

    | New York, NY, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Caller: “Please put me through to [owner].”

    Me: “Sure, who’s calling please?”

    Caller: “His cousin Fred.”

    Me: “I didn’t know he had a cousin Fred.”

    Caller: “Why would you? You just answer phones! This is a family affair and none of your business! Who do you think you are anyway?”

    Me: “[Owner]‘s daughter.” *click*

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