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    Problem Exists Between Sign And Keyboard

    | Yukon, Canada | Technology

    (Note: The public computers in our office have been down and I’m in the process of repairing and cleaning them. As such, I’ve taped “Do Not Use” signs on the computer monitors. A client walks in, sits at the desk, pulls the sign off the monitor, and proceeds to try and use the mouse and keyboard.)

    Client: “Why isn’t this working?! I need to check my email!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the computers aren’t working right now. I’m fixing them now. They should be up by this afternoon.”

    Client: “I need to check my email right now! I demand you make them work!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t use the computer right now.”

    Client: “And WHY NOT?!”

    (I point to the computer tower on my work desk that’s currently in pieces.)

    Me: “This is the computer, sir.”

    Client: “So? I shouldn’t need that thing to make it work! All the important parts are still right here!”

    (The “important parts” he’s referring to? The monitor and keyboard.)

    Really Fond-a Of Rhonda

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    Receptionist: “Hi, this is (company). May I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I need to speak to Rhonda.”

    Receptionist: I’m sorry, but we don’t have anyone here by that name.”

    Caller: “RHONDA! RHONDA! I need to talk to Rhonda!”

    Receptionist: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is no one here named Rhonda. What department were you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “The newsletter girl! I want to talk to Rhonda!”

    Receptionist: “Oh, Sue is in charge of the newsletters. I can transfer you to her right now.”

    Caller: “Why did she change her name?!”

    The Wall Of Somebodies

    | California, USA |

    (I work at the front desk of an office. Note that we have pictures of our founder with celebrities on the wall. On this day, we have a guest waiting for one of our executives. He examines the celebrity pictures while he waits.)

    Guest: “Who are these people? Are they former employees?”

    Me: “No, they are celebrities.”

    (The guest looks at the pictures, which include Whitney Houston, Clint Eastwood, and Al Gore.)

    Guest: “Huh, I don’t think I’ve heard of them…”

    Is This A Stupid Drill

    | Pueblo, CO, USA |

    (I work in an office for accounts receivable that takes payments, sets up payment agreements, etc. One night, I am working late on the fourth floor with a customer on the line when the building’s fire alarm goes off for a scheduled routine drill.)

    Me: “Okay sir, your payment just went through. Your confirmation number is–”

    Customer: “What’s that noise?”

    Me: “It’s our fire alarm. They’re going to start clearing the building for a drill, so I need to give you this number quickly.”

    Customer: “Is your building on fire?”

    Me: “No, sir. It’s just a scheduled drill. Your confirmation number, if you’re ready, is–”

    Customer: “Should I call the fire department?”

    Me: “No, sir. It’s a drill. The building is not on fire.”

    (I finally manage to give him his number and am finishing up the call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling finance, sir. Have a good evening.”

    Customer: “You, too! Don’t burn to death!”

    A Report, A Memo, A Notification

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, this is [name] at [company]. How may I help you?

    Caller: “May I please speak to [co-worker]?”

    Me: “He is not in the office today. May I take a message?”

    Caller: “No, I just wanted to confirm if he got my email. Can you have him call me and let me know?”

    Me: “Of course, may I get your name and phone number?”

    (The customer proceeds to give me a phone number, the spelling of her name, and a detailed message.)

    Me: “Okay, I have everything. I’ll be sure to give him your message as soon as possible.”

    Caller: “No! I didn’t want to leave a message. I just want him to call me back.”

    Me: “But you do want me to tell him it’s regarding your email, correct?”

    Caller: “Yes! And don’t forget to let him know about the change in time.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll give him the message.”

    Caller: “I’m not leaving him a message! I just want you to give him that information!”

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