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The Message Is Garbled, But The Hypocrisy Is Loud And Clear

, , , , , | Right | April 11, 2024

A client called me at 11:30 pm and left a voicemail. Though parts of it were drowned out by the sounds of people and traffic, I could make out:

Client: “…serious issue we need to discuss.”

First thing the next morning, I called the client to clarify his issue. When no one answered, I left a voicemail. I also sent him an email to let him know I had received his message but could only make out parts of it. I told him to call me, return my email, or clarify when we meet at our bi-weekly meeting the next day.

Unfortunately, I received no messages, and the client simply didn’t show up for our meeting.

Concerned, I sent another email, made another phone call, and sent him a text.

Three days later, at 6:00 am, I received a phone call from him.          

Me: “What was the issue you needed to discuss?”

Client: “Oh, yes. We need to talk about how difficult you can be to reach.”

Time To Acquire An Office Cat

, , , , , , | Working | April 10, 2024

At work, we have a communal jar of peanut butter, a communal jar of jam, some communal fruit and yogurt, and a communal loaf of bread. We each take turns refilling these things as they run empty; there’s a rotation on the board.

I make myself a peanut butter sandwich with the bread. It tastes off.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], does this bread seem off to you?”

He smells it.

Coworker: “Yeah. It smells kinda like mouse.”

I picked up the bag of bread to inspect it more closely and discovered a mouse hole chewed in the rear of the bag. I removed a couple of slices of bread and found a mouse and several mouselings nesting in the middle of the loaf of bread.

In a very manly fashion, I screamed and threw the bread. I don’t know what happened to the mouse or her pinkies. Subsequent investigation showed that several of the fruits had been nibbled, and a hole had been chewed into the side of the (plastic) peanut butter jar.

We hired an exterminator, and afterward, management changed the policy: no food in the breakroom pantry overnight.

When Employees Have The Power, Managers Will Cower

, , , , , , , | Working | April 9, 2024

I work in a somewhat specialized role, which has led me to be in the position of working regular hours at an office, but I’m actually employed by a third-party staffing agency specializing in my role. The role I’m in is experiencing a shortage of qualified people, so it’s easier for offices to use third-party staffing agencies than to hire for themselves.

This arrangement has been largely positive. I get along with all of my “coworkers” and “managers” at the office, and I am treated like an employee when it comes to events such as staff lunches or Christmas gift exchanges. However, there are some key differences between me and the office’s regular employees, which will become apparent later in the story.

I have been working at the office for about three years when the manager who is generally considered to be my direct supervisor decides to retire. A new manager is hired, and fairly soon after, he starts implementing changes. Because I work through the staffing agency, I don’t immediately notice any of these changes, but I hear my “coworkers” complaining about them often enough to know the basics.

But one day, there’s a new bank of lockers in the break room, which is tough to ignore. Apparently, employees were assigned lockers, and they are now required to keep their phones and other personal belongings in their lockers while on the clock. I was never assigned a locker because I don’t work for the office, and even if I was given a locker, I use certain apps through the staffing agency as part of my job, so I can’t give up my phone.

About a week after the lockers are installed, the manager sees me on my phone.

Manager: “[My Name], why are you using your phone?”

Me: “I’m looking at [information for my job].”

Manager: “All personal items, including cell phones, are supposed to be in your locker.”

Me: “I don’t have a locker. As far as I understand, they were assigned based on your payroll information, and I don’t get paid by [office] because I work for [Staffing Agency].”

The manager hesitates for a bit before responding.

Manager: “Well… you should keep your phone in your car, then.”

Me: “I can’t. I need [apps] for work because that’s what [Staffing Agency] uses. Without access to those apps, I literally can’t do my job.”

Manager: “It’s not fair to the other employees who have to put their phones away if they see you on your phone all day.”

Me: “Then maybe you should rethink your plan to take their phones away?”

The manager grumbles to himself for a bit before walking away. I later hear that he went to the office’s Human Resources staff to try to complain about me, but because I don’t work for the office, HR obviously couldn’t do anything about it.

A few weeks later, there’s another incident. I’ve decided to take a short vacation and have filed it with the staffing agency accordingly. The next day, I tell the manager at the office about it so he’s aware.

Me: “Hey, [Manager], just so you’re aware, I’m going on vacation between [date #1] and [date #2]. If you need someone to cover for me, [Staffing Agency] can probably get someone reassigned from another office, but I’m not working on anything super critical, so I think you’ll be okay.”

Manager: “I don’t think we can do that. [Employee #1] and [Employee #2] both requested that week off already, so we’ll need you here.”

Me: “[Employee #1] and [Employee #2] don’t have anything to do with my job, so their being gone at the same time isn’t relevant at all.”

Manager: “I meant we’ll need you to cover for them.”

Me: “I have absolutely no training to even think about covering their positions. And besides, I don’t work for you.”

Manager: “I’m going to deny your vacation because I need you here.”

Me: “You have literally zero control over my vacation time. I don’t work for you; I work for [Staffing Agency]. They’ve already approved it, so that’s all that matters.”

Manager: “You’re not very dedicated to this job, are you? First your phone, now this… Maybe we need to reconsider your employment here.”

Me: “You know what? Maybe we should. You need me in this position a lot more than I need you. I can talk to [Staffing Agency] about getting reassigned to a different office, and that’ll solve both of our problems.”

Manager: “Hold on. We need someone working on the projects you do for us.”

Me: “Right. And if you lose me, how long do you think it will be before [Staffing Agency] can find a permanent replacement for me if I tell them that I refuse to work here because of your attempts at mistreating me?”

Manager: “…”

Me: “Do you see what I mean now? I’m willing to cooperate and keep working here, but you have to realize that you literally have no power. You can either lose me for a week when I’m on vacation — which isn’t going to hurt you that much anyway because, like I said, there’s nothing super critical right now — or you can lose me forever, and who knows how long it’ll take before you get a replacement?”

Manager: “Fine. Enjoy your vacation.”

Ever since this second incident, the manager has generally backed off some of his controlling policies — not just against me but against his actual employees, too. For example, storing phones and personal belongings in the lockers is now “optional” rather than required, and employees are allowed to keep their phones on them as long as they don’t waste time playing games or surfing social media or anything while they’re on the clock.

Apparently, enough employees were inspired by me standing up to him that they decided to threaten to quit as well, and he realized that it’s better to treat employees like humans instead of cattle.

Don’t Look A Gift Stereotype In The Mouth

, , , , , | Working | April 9, 2024

I started working in a music and recording studio a few months ago. We’re working on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and the boss, an older white gentleman, brings in fried chicken, grape juice, and watermelon for everyone.

I am a white guy, and most of my coworkers are Black (we’re close to a historically Black neighborhood), so I feel compelled to ask a Black coworker:

Me: “Isn’t this… uh… kinda…”

Coworker: “Racially stereotyping African Americans?”

Me: “Uh… yeah?”

Coworker: “Yeah, someone told [Boss] years ago as a joke that to celebrate today, we Black folk eat fried chicken and watermelon and drink grape juice.”

Me: “Wow, and he believed them?”

Coworker: “I mean, he had no reason not to.”

Me: “And no one has told him otherwise?”

Coworker: *Grabbing a plate* “And risk our free fried chicken?!”

Wait… What’s Wrong With Cereal For Dinner?!

, , , , | Working | April 8, 2024

A group of us in the office are having a fun discussion in the kitchen before work. The topic we’ve waded into is the tropes you see in TV and movies that never happen in real life.

Coworker #1: “When they pull up to the club and find parking literally right in front of the entrance!”

Me: “Oooh, yeah, that’s a good one!”

Coworker #2: “Oh, or when they leave the club, and a taxi is waiting for them right outside.”

Coworker #1: “Sometimes in the same movie! Like… didn’t we see them drive there?!”

Me: “I personally hate it when I see these huge elaborate breakfast spreads with like fruit, pastries, cereal, bacon, and all the works, but the main character only has time to grab, like, half a slice of toast, and then they’re out the door. And they never brush their teeth! I mean, I get that you have to get the message across to the audience that ‘It’s morning’ and breeze through it really quickly, but come on!”

Coworker #3: *Snorts* “Yeah, that annoys me, too. Like when they show them showering every morning. Yeah… like you shower every day…”

We all stop and stare at [Coworker #3]. He’s a young man, new to the office.

Coworker #1: “Uh… I shower every day. I shower twice a day: in the morning and before bed.”

Coworker #2: “Same, although I shower when I get home from work.”

Me: “Me, too… [Coworker #3], how often do you shower?”

Silence…

Coworker #3: “Never mind.”

[Coworker #3] darted off suddenly, and we didn’t see him for the rest of the day. The next day, [Coworker #3] appeared freshly showered, his hair looked a lot cleaner and neater than we were used to.

A few months later, after we’d gotten closer, [Coworker #3] explained to me that he’d only been showering on the weekends because that’s what he used to do as a kid, and he thought it was totally normal. He asked me to run through a few other things he did as a kid and help him to not embarrass himself again.

The rest of the list was pretty normal, including, sadly, having cereal for dinner!