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    Data Protection Can Be Hellish

    | Champaign, IL, USA |

    (I notice a very well dressed woman checking out laptops.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. Could you tell me about the facial password feature on these laptops?”

    Me: “Sure. Certain laptops we carry can use the webcam to recognize several facial features unique to each person. Eye distance, mouth width, things like that.”

    Customer: “Well then, that’s it.”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “The apocalypse is coming.”

    Me: “The apocalypse?”

    Customer: “Yes. See, the Bible says that when the government starts taking over our personal lives, the apocalypse will come.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this has nothing to do with the government. It’s just another security feature.”

    (She pats me on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “That’s okay, son. I speak to God every day. I’m glad to know that when I’m up in heaven, you’ll be down here burning in hell.”

    Bad Company, Good Business

    | Detroit, MI, USA |

    (I’m a cashier, and a customer comes up to my register with a lock.)

    Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

    Me: “Yes, we do!”

    Customer: “Great. I’ll take it at the [medical supply store] price.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need the print out.”

    Customer: “The what?”

    Me: “Well, I need proof that the other store has the same product for a lesser amount.”

    Customer: “Don’t you know what they sell it at?”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t believe they sell this at all.”

    Customer: “Well, just find a store that sells it at a lesser price and give me that!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. Unless you found the same item for a lesser price at another store, I have to charge you what our company sells it at.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because that’s business, sir.”

    Wish You Could White-Out That Last Comment

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer is looking at printer cartridges/)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a black and white ink cartridge.”

    Me: *joking* “Well, we’re out of black and white ink. How about black and clear?”

    Customer: “No! I really need the white ink!”

    When The Only Typing Available Is Stereotyping

    | Elkridge, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology, Top

    Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a cable.”

    Me: “Ok. I’ll take you to our cables, what kind of cable do you need?”

    Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”

    Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”

    Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a  C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables, if you could tell me what kind of thing you were trying to hook up?”

    Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me!? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”

    Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”

    Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”

    (The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)

    Customer: This is what I wanted! A cable!”

    Me: “You mean a keyboard?”

    Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*

    Copyright Meets Copywrong, Part 2

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (I am creating a business card for a customer. She hands me a picture to scan to use on the card.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this photo is copyrighted by whoever took it.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. You can still use it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t use it without the permission of the photographer.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well you can just cross out the copyright on the back of the picture and then use it! It’ll be okay.”

    Me: “Do you have another picture you would like to use?”

    (She hands me the same picture but with a piece of paper taped over the copyright on the back.)

    Customer: “Here. Now you can use it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, just because the copyright is covered now doesn’t mean it’s not copyrighted anymore. We could be fined $50,000 if we used this. If you can get the permission of the person who took this or another picture we can do this for you.”

    Customer: “What kind of business is this?”

    Copyright Meets Copywrong

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