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    Might We Suggest Anti-Virus Protection

    | Melbourne, Australia | Technology

    Customer: “My TV has a USB port and the manual says I need something to plug into it to be able to record. A HDD, or SSD, or an STD or something.”

    Me: “Oh, a hard drive! Sure, let me show you where they are.”

    (I show the customer to the hard drives and we discuss how much space he needs.)

    Customer: “So, should I get the 320GB or the 750GB STD?”

    Me: “Uh, well it depends on how much you think you’ll be recording.”

    Customer: “Well, at this price, I’ll just get the cheaper one. Then, if it fills up, I can get more. My family can swap STDs whenever they need to, then!”

    At A Loss Either Way

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Note: this is an office supply store.)

    Customer: “Do you sell condiments?”

    Me: *confused* “Condiments? Like ketchup and mustard? No.”

    Customer: “No, like, plastic forks.”

    Me: “You mean…cutlery?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess.”

    Me: “No, we don’t sell cutlery either…”

    Silly Boy, Stamps Are For Muggles

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes to my till with two boxes of envelopes.)

    Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you need stamps?”

    Customer: *stares*

    Me: “For your envelopes?”

    Customer: “What are stamps?”

    Me: “Mailing stamps…for your envelopes.”

    Customer: *stares*

    Me: “To mail your envelopes.”

    Customer: “Oh. No.”

    Worldly Spiritualism, Earthly Needs

    | Kansas, USA | Bizarre

    (I have been helping a 50-60 year old woman find a specific type of pen.)

    Customer: “You know why I came to this [store]? I came here because of your energy. I am your guardian angel.”

    Me: “Oh…um, okay.”

    Customer: “I sense great things from you. You are a fifth level Warrior goddess.”

    Me: “Thank you?”

    Customer: “I’m serious! You are Cleopatra reincarnate. Prince Albert reincarnate. Queen Elizabeth, the good one. You have an amazing energy!”

    Me: “That’s pretty awesome.”

    Customer: “You are a warrior goddess! Since I am your guardian, I can give you guidance, is there anything you want to know?

    Me: “I’m really okay.”

    (She then takes her Native American style beaded necklace and puts it on my forehead.)

    Customer: “You are now blessed!”

    Me: “Thank you. Do you need anything else?”

    Customer: “Where are the padlocks?”

    Let Me Guess, You Need A White Cartridge, Too

    | MA, USA |

    (I approach a confused looking woman standing in the ink cartridge aisle.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Can I help you find the correct ink?”

    Customer: “Yeah, thank you.”

    Me: “Do you know which cartridge or what model printer you have?”

    Customer: “No, but it’s one of these.”

    (There are literally hundreds of ink cartridges in this aisle.)

    Me: “Could you be a little more specific?”

    Customer: “Well, it takes black…”


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