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    Two Rows Don’t Make A Right

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top, Transportation

    (Walking out to grab some carts, I see a customer with a valid temporary disability sticker park his large truck across both of our designated slots. He’s still in his truck when I approach him.)

    Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that you are parked in both of our slots.”

    Customer: “So what?! I’m handicapped and need a spot. You can’t tell me that I can’t park here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am just saying that you are in both spots and if another disabled person were to come by, they would not be able to get a wheelchair out of their vehicle.”

    Customer: “Well f*** them, and f*** you too!”

    (He immediately restarts his truck, backs up, and parks as completely through both spots as possible.)

    Me: “Sir, don’t you think you may be going a little to far with this?”

    Customer: “I told you to go f*** yourself!”

    (He gets out of his truck and I see that his disability is a broken wrist. The cops at the other end of the lot had a little pink present for him when he came back out of the store, though.)

    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

    For Battery Or Worse

    | Leesburg, VA, USA |

    (A woman and her young son walk in with a small magnetic whiteboard with a detachable marker.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this please, but I don’t have the receipt.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (When I try to process the return, the whiteboard doesn’t show up in our system. I take a closer look and realize that it doesn’t come from our store.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t return this for you. It isn’t our product.”

    Customer: *angrily* “What! Don’t be ridiculous. I bought it from here! I’m sure!”

    (Sensing a potential problem, I call my manager over. He looks at the whiteboard.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this brand belongs to [competitor]. I worked there for seven years; trust me.”

    Customer: “No! I only ever shop here!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but this isn’t our product.”

    (The customer refuses to believe us. She forces us to call the store branch she claims she bought it from and pull their records to try and find her purchase. Half an hour later, she’s still arguing with us and her son is looking increasingly embarrassed.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I assure you that this product does not come from our store. Look.”

    (He goes to the computer and pulls up our competitor’s website. He clicks on a list of their brand names, which include the one printed on the whiteboard.)

    Customer: *angrily* “But I never shop at [competitor]! I get everything here!”

    (Suddenly the customer’s son speaks up.)

    Customer’s Son: “Wait, mom, didn’t we go there to buy batteries a couple weeks ago?”

    (The customer’s anger dissipates and she gets an embarrassed look on her face.)

    Customer: “Oh… right…” *looks at us* “Well, how was I supposed to remember that?!”

    Welcome To Scoff-Fuss Depot

    | Westminster, CO, USA | Bizarre

    (A male customer comes in looking for the copiers to enlarge a photo. I assist him with his copies and then return to my register. The customer continues to browse the baskets by the register.)

    Customer: *holds up a flashlight* “What’s this?”

    Me: “That’s a flashlight, sir.”

    Customer: *holds up a packet of Post-its* “What’s this?”

    Me: “Those are Post-it flags. They have adhesive on the back of one end so you can use them to mark pages in books.”

    Customer: “Adhesive, huh? Sure…” *gives me a knowing smile*

    Me: *confused*

    Customer: *holds up some speakers* “So, what are these? Little TVs?”

    Me: “No, sir…those are speakers.”

    Customer: *looks slightly alarmed* “Speakers? For what?”

    Me: “For a computer, sir.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Computers! You know, I feel terrible for leaving here without a present for the grandkids, but EVERYTHING you sell these days is poison or dynamite! It’s not SAFE!” *storms out of the store*

    Single-Handedly Stupid

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “How are you doing? Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “No, I was looking for left-handed writing instruments, but apparently, you don’t have them. I guess I’ll have to take my business somewhere else. I feel bad for my son, though. He has been suffering.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that all pencils and pens work for both right-handed and left-handed people.”

    Customer: “Then, why is he suffering? He says his hand hurts every time he writes! You don’t understand!”

    Me: “I am left-handed. I have been using the same pencils and pens as everyone else, and never had a problem.”

    Customer: “I don’t like your tone! You are so disrespectful and unsympathetic! I want to speak to your manager!”


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