Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,132 thumbs up)
  • P2P Not-Working

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer approaches, and angrily sets down her laptop.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I purchased this laptop two months ago, and you guys installed antivirus on here. Now I have a virus on my computer. I barely use it and rarely even go on the internet, so obviously they’re defective. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help, ma’am. Would you mind if I run our free in-store diagnostic test, just to make sure that it is a virus?”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’ll be a waste of time; this shouldn’t have happened and—”

    (The customer continues ranting about how inept our technology items are. Meanwhile, I am running our diagnostic, and even superficially I can tell that it has a virus infection. Curious, I also quickly pull open the program list. I notice something interesting.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know what [software name] is?”

    Customer: “Uh, no…”

    Me: “It’s a peer-to-peer sharing program. It’s one of the ways that people can illegally download music, movies, and the like. It’s also a very common way to get viruses, since anyone can upload anything to the P2P network.”

    Customer: “But I would never do anything like that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, does anyone else use your computer?”

    (The customer’s face suddenly drops.)

    Customer: “My daughter…”

    Me: “Does she have her own account with parental controls, or do you let her use your account?”

    Customer: “She uses mine.”

    Me: “Well, most likely she’s been using it to download files, and that’s how you got the virus.”

    Customer: “But the antivirus software you guys installed should’ve stopped this!”

    Me: “Antiviruses aren’t magic walls, ma’am. If you allow viruses to get past the protocols, which this would, viruses can get through. Normally, the software should issue a warning, but most likely your daughter ignored that when she downloaded the files.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, how much is this going to cost me to fix?”

    (I give her the quote, which she dutifully pays. As I hand her the receipt, she mentions one last thing.)

    Customer: “When I get home, that girl is going to be grounded so hard! That money is coming out of her bank account!”

    Brace(let) Yourself For A Good Cause

    | Reisterstown, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (We sell rubber bracelets in different colors that say one of the following: ‘Be Brave; Be Amazing; Be Kind; Be Accepting, Be Involved; Be Yourself’. When purchased, they donate money to a foundation that prevents bullying of children in school. A mother and her 8-year-old daughter are in the store looking at the bracelets.)

    Daughter: “Mom, can I get one of these?”

    Mom: “Yeah, sure. Which one?”

    Daughter: “I’m not sure. I like all of them. They say such nice things.”

    Mom: “Yeah, they say really nice things, but I don’t like ‘Be Accepting’.”

    Daughter: “Well, why not?”

    Mom: “It sounds lame or something.”

    Me: *gives the mother a dirty look*

    Daughter: *catches on and buys the ‘Be Brave’ bracelet*

    Two Rows Don’t Make A Right

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top, Transportation

    (Walking out to grab some carts, I see a customer with a valid temporary disability sticker park his large truck across both of our designated slots. He’s still in his truck when I approach him.)

    Me: “Sir, I just wanted to let you know that you are parked in both of our slots.”

    Customer: “So what?! I’m handicapped and need a spot. You can’t tell me that I can’t park here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am just saying that you are in both spots and if another disabled person were to come by, they would not be able to get a wheelchair out of their vehicle.”

    Customer: “Well f*** them, and f*** you, too!”

    (He immediately restarts his truck, backs up, and parks as completely through both spots as possible.)

    Me: “Sir, don’t you think you may be going a little to far with this?”

    Customer: “I told you to go f*** yourself!”

    (He got out of his truck and I saw that his disability was a broken wrist. The cops at the other end of the lot had a little pink present for him when he came back out of the store, though.)

    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

    For Battery Or Worse

    | Leesburg, VA, USA |

    (A woman and her young son walk in with a small magnetic whiteboard with a detachable marker.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this please, but I don’t have the receipt.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (When I try to process the return, the whiteboard doesn’t show up in our system. I take a closer look and realize that it doesn’t come from our store.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t return this for you. It isn’t our product.”

    Customer: *angrily* “What! Don’t be ridiculous. I bought it from here! I’m sure!”

    (Sensing a potential problem, I call my manager over. He looks at the whiteboard.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this brand belongs to [competitor]. I worked there for seven years; trust me.”

    Customer: “No! I only ever shop here!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but this isn’t our product.”

    (The customer refuses to believe us. She forces us to call the store branch she claims she bought it from and pull their records to try and find her purchase. Half an hour later, she’s still arguing with us and her son is looking increasingly embarrassed.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I assure you that this product does not come from our store. Look.”

    (He goes to the computer and pulls up our competitor’s website. He clicks on a list of their brand names, which include the one printed on the whiteboard.)

    Customer: *angrily* “But I never shop at [competitor]! I get everything here!”

    (Suddenly the customer’s son speaks up.)

    Customer’s Son: “Wait, mom, didn’t we go there to buy batteries a couple weeks ago?”

    (The customer’s anger dissipates and she gets an embarrassed look on her face.)

    Customer: “Oh… right…” *looks at us* “Well, how was I supposed to remember that?!”

    Page 3/612345...Last