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    Laptop Flop, Part 3

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop that I bought from you guys a while ago got stolen. I need to get a copy of my receipt for insurance purposes.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! What I need is the cred—”

    Customer: “What I’m going to give you is my name and phone number, and you see what you can find with that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when we do receipt lookups, it’s processed at the register. I need you to bring in the card you paid with, and the UPC or item number of the laptop, if you happened to save those off the box.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any of that.”

    Me: “Well, do you have one of our rewards cards?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Err… could you tell me what kind of laptop it was?”

    Customer: “I ALREADY SAID THAT!”

    Me: “If you did, I didn’t hear it ma’am. What was it?”

    Customer: “I already said it. But it was… tah-shibbia? Or… Toshi-bai-bah or something.”

    Me: “Toshiba.”

    (I wait for the customer to supply more information about the laptop, but she’s silent.)

    Me: “…and the model number?”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE THAT!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I really need at least that information so I could look up an item number. How about the month you purchased the laptop; do you have that?”

    Customer: “What month is this? Well, it isn’t April yet. So this month must be March. I bought it in November. Maybe it was around my birthday. Like if I bought myself a birthday present! Yeah, that must’ve been it.”

    (I wait for the customer to tell me when her birthday is.)

    Customer: “Anyway, you see what you can find with that, and call me back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I need to know what kind of lapt—”

    Customer: “No, look it up with my name. And if you can’t find it, you call me back and tell me exactly what you need, and I’ll get it for you.”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop

    Color Me Surprised

    | Hanover, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work in the copy center of a large chain store. A couple comes in and ask for a copy of an ID card, and social security card. I make the copy, and bring it over to the counter where they are standing.)

    Me: “Here you go. Does everything look alright?”

    Customer: “Oh wow, you can print in color? I didn’t even know you could print in color!”

    Me: “Yes, we can.”

    Customer: “Wow, so is it the paper?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like, is it the paper that makes it print in color?”

    Me: *a little baffled* “No… it’s actually the ink.”

    Customer: That’s crazy! It looks just like the real thing!”

    He’s Got Bigot Written All Over Him

    | Absecon, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a 20-year-old girl, with several tattoos. Only the clover on my wrist is visible. An older customer comes in at least once a week.)

    Older Customer: “What happens when you get older and the tattoo looks bad?”

    Me: “That’s part of the experience of having a tattoo; it grows with you. Plus, I’m Irish, so it’s part of my heritage. It’s not like I’m going to regret it.”

    Customer: “Yes, you will. When you get old, it will get ugly, and you’ll hate it.”

    Me: “Sir, no offense, but it’s my heritage. That is not something I will hate. And even if it does get ugly, the rest of me will be wrinkled too. And really, it isn’t any of your business or concern what I do to my body.”

    (A male coworker comes up, who also has a visible tattoo. The customer says nothing to him.)

    Me: “What about his tattoo?”

    Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter; he’s a man. Women just shouldn’t get tattoos. They’ll make them ugly later on.”

    P2P Not-Working

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer approaches, and angrily sets down her laptop.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I purchased this laptop two months ago, and you guys installed antivirus on here. Now I have a virus on my computer. I barely use it and rarely even go on the internet, so obviously they’re defective. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help, ma’am. Would you mind if I run our free in-store diagnostic test, just to make sure that it is a virus?”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’ll be a waste of time; this shouldn’t have happened and—”

    (The customer continues ranting about how inept our technology items are. Meanwhile, I am running our diagnostic, and even superficially I can tell that it has a virus infection. Curious, I also quickly pull open the program list. I notice something interesting.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know what [software name] is?”

    Customer: “Uh, no…”

    Me: “It’s a peer-to-peer sharing program. It’s one of the ways that people can illegally download music, movies, and the like. It’s also a very common way to get viruses, since anyone can upload anything to the P2P network.”

    Customer: “But I would never do anything like that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, does anyone else use your computer?”

    (The customer’s face suddenly drops.)

    Customer: “My daughter…”

    Me: “Does she have her own account with parental controls, or do you let her use your account?”

    Customer: “She uses mine.”

    Me: “Well, most likely she’s been using it to download files, and that’s how you got the virus.”

    Customer: “But the antivirus software you guys installed should’ve stopped this!”

    Me: “Antiviruses aren’t magic walls, ma’am. If you allow viruses to get past the protocols, which this would, viruses can get through. Normally, the software should issue a warning, but most likely your daughter ignored that when she downloaded the files.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, how much is this going to cost me to fix?”

    (I give her the quote, which she dutifully pays. As I hand her the receipt, she mentions one last thing.)

    Customer: “When I get home, that girl is going to be grounded so hard! That money is coming out of her bank account!”

    Brace(let) Yourself For A Good Cause

    | Reisterstown, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (We sell rubber bracelets in different colors that say one of the following: ‘Be Brave; Be Amazing; Be Kind; Be Accepting, Be Involved; Be Yourself’. When purchased, they donate money to a foundation that prevents bullying of children in school. A mother and her 8-year-old daughter are in the store looking at the bracelets.)

    Daughter: “Mom, can I get one of these?”

    Mom: “Yeah, sure. Which one?”

    Daughter: “I’m not sure. I like all of them. They say such nice things.”

    Mom: “Yeah, they say really nice things, but I don’t like ‘Be Accepting’.”

    Daughter: “Well, why not?”

    Mom: “It sounds lame or something.”

    Me: *gives the mother a dirty look*

    Daughter: *catches on and buys the ‘Be Brave’ bracelet*


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