A Disability At Having A Disability

| USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I work in an assisted living facility. Our residents run the range from sharp as a nail to completely senile, and perfectly fit to bedridden. This particular woman, whose health care is paid for by the state, has in her medical records that she cannot stand, cannot use one arm at all, and has limited use of her other. There is nothing wrong with her mentally.)

Me: *forgetting to knock before entering her room* “Hey. Sorry to disturb you. I’m just here to… get your… trash…”

(She’s standing at her sink, washing an apple. We lock eyes, and she slowly lowers herself to the floor.)

Me: “Um…”

Female Customer: “I crawled over, but I can’t get up now.”

Me: “Do you need me to call anyone for help?”

Female Customer: “No. No need to give the nurses extra work. I’ll manage. Would you be all right to come back later?”

Me: “…Sure.”

(Apparently I’m not the first one to catch her. But we could never conclusively prove that she was faking disability.)

Pass(word) The Buck

| Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

Me: “I don’t know your password.”

Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

Incheon Further Away From The Answer

| Boston, MA, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Resident: “So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It’s hard to tell.”

Me: “I’m Korean.”

Resident: “Oh. Is that like Japan?”

Me: “No, it’s Korea.”

Resident: “Well, that was my next guess. So, do you speak Chinese or Japanese?”

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served By Wives

| Richmond, VA, USA | Top

(At the nursing home where I work, we can sell lunches to visitors, but can’t sell them after 11:00. It’s a bummer, but usually people are understanding.)

Customer: “I need to buy a lunch.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but we can’t sell lunches after 11:00.”

Customer: “Why not? ”

Me: “Well, it’s so that the kitchen knows how many trays to have ready by lunchtime. They start on dinner almost as soon as lunch is served.”

Customer: “Well, I’m hungry.”

Me: “I really am sorry. I wish I could help, but lunch was served two hours ago. We do have a vending machine, and there are a couple of fast food places nearby.”

Customer: “Are you stupid?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I will sue you guys!”

Me: “I really am sorry.”

Customer: “I will sue you! Your lunch policy is ridiculous! This is what happens when little girls like you work in men’s jobs!”

Me: “A man’s job?”

Customer: “Yes! Since you obviously can’t do it since you’re a fifteen-year-old girl.”

Me: “I’m twenty-one, sir.”

Customer: “Then why aren’t you married?”

Me: “…because my boyfriend hasn’t asked me yet?”

Customer: “You should get married, get out of here, and let a man do your job.”

Me: “…my job as a receptionist?”

Customer: “He’d do it right! I am going to the biggest man here and complaining about your policies!”

Me: “The biggest man here is a woman, sir.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Everyone in our business office is female, and so is our administrator.”

Customer: “This place is doomed!”

(Half an hour later, I ended up buying him a turkey sandwich from a nearby deli when I went out to get my own lunch. Not surprisingly, he didn’t thank me. However, this cloud has a silver lining: I also met his wife, who smacked him upside the head and called him a jacka**.)