October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Foul Weather Today

| Norway | Norway | Health & Body

(I am a nurse helping a patient using the toilet. He is 92 years old. I come to help him get dressed and off the toilet.)

Me: “So… did you manage to do what you were going to?”

Patient: “There was lots of wind, but no precipitation!”

The Mother Of All Worries

| Norway | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I am assisting a 92-year-old male patient.)

Me: “Come on, young fella, you can do this!”

Patient: “Hah, young? I could have been your father!” *adding mischievously* “Your mother wouldn’t want that, though.”

Yet To Find Your Calling

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I have an elderly patient that has been a little confused due to recent illness…)

Me: “Can I help you with something?”

Patient: “How the h*** should I know?!”

Me: “Well, you put on your call light…”

Patient: “Well, I’m confused! You’re the nurse; it’s your job to know what I need and just do it!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll return if I figure it out…”

A Disability At Having A Disability

| USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(I work in an assisted living facility. Our residents run the range from sharp as a nail to completely senile, and perfectly fit to bedridden. This particular woman, whose health care is paid for by the state, has in her medical records that she cannot stand, cannot use one arm at all, and has limited use of her other. There is nothing wrong with her mentally.)

Me: *forgetting to knock before entering her room* “Hey. Sorry to disturb you. I’m just here to… get your… trash…”

(She’s standing at her sink, washing an apple. We lock eyes, and she slowly lowers herself to the floor.)

Me: “Um…”

Female Customer: “I crawled over, but I can’t get up now.”

Me: “Do you need me to call anyone for help?”

Female Customer: “No. No need to give the nurses extra work. I’ll manage. Would you be all right to come back later?”

Me: “…Sure.”

(Apparently I’m not the first one to catch her. But we could never conclusively prove that she was faking disability.)

Pass(word) The Buck

| Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

Me: “I don’t know your password.”

Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

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