Me: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I would like two bottles of water, please.”

(I give the water to the customer.)

Me: “That’s £5 please.”

Customer: “Excuse me? How much?”

Me: “£2.50 each, so £5.”

Customer: “That’s disgusting. How do you get away with charging that much for water? I am only willing to pay 50p for both as it’s only bottled tap water.”

Me: “It’s not tap water; it’s mineral water. Tap water is free if you want it.”

(The customer hands me £10.)

Customer: “I expect £9.50 change as I’m not paying that much.”

(I hand the customer £5 change.)

Me: “No, it’s £5 change.”

Customer: “I’m just f***ing with you. You’re just so beautiful I thought you deserved some abuse!”

Related:
H2-Woah

(I work security at a nightclub.)

Me: “ID, please.”

(I look at the customer’s ID.)

Me: “Sir, are you sure you want to use this ID?”

Customer: “It’s mine. I’m old enough.”

Me: “I don’t think so, sir. And, if I’m right, you’ll be spending time explaining things to the nice officer in the office.”

Customer: “That’s my ID and I’m 21.”

Me: “Okay, let’s go.”

(I begin escorting him to the office.)

Customer: “I don’t get it. What was the problem with it?”

Me: “Well, for starters, I’ve seen a lot of IDs come through here. I’m not aware of any state that uses photos with a beach scene background.”

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 7
No ID, No Idea, Part 6
No ID, No Idea, Part 5
No ID, No Idea, Part 4
No ID, No Idea, Part 3
No ID, No Idea, Part 2
No ID, No Idea