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    Invisible Incentive

    | Burton on Trent, UK |

    (There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero”, which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I had just sold a copy to a customer who returned to the store 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “Are you OK there?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

    Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

    Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

    Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

    More Than A Few Crossed Wires

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, can you tell me how to get to your store? I’m coming from the north end of the city.”

    Me: “OK, you’ll need to head south on 14th Street–”

    Caller: “Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, you’re going too fast.”

    Me: “OK, sorry. You will need to head south–”

    Caller: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! Now explain it to me like a civil human being, and tell me how to get to your f***ing store!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am. If you just head south–”

    Caller: “What in God’s name is wrong with you? All I want to do is get to your f***ing store so I can get some f***ing music! Is that so d*** much to ask for? Look young lady, I just got out of brain surgery and I can’t deal with your bulls*** right now. You need to talk slowly to me. OK, forget it, you’re wasting my time. I’ll find my way there myself! *hangs up*

    Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’m a painfully shy 13-year-old, and a customer somehow mistook me for an employee.)

    Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “NO?!”

    Me: “No!”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “… I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.”

    Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Money, Religion

    (My coworker has just put together a very expensive PA System for the pastor of a church.)

    Coworker: “Alright pastor, is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    Pastor: “No… thank you. I’m very grateful for all your help. What is the price, son?”

    Coworker: “Well, after all of the added items and sales tax, your total comes to $4,478.89.”

    Pastor: “What!? Let me ask you this… what would JESUS pay for this?!”

    Coworker: *without delay* “Sir, Jesus paid the ultimate price and died for your sins. Your total is still $4,478.89.”

    (The pastor was not amused, but paid the full amount.)

    That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

    Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

    Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

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