May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Top

(I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

(The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a bad called Wet Noodle.”

(I put one and one together and interject.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

(The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction and then turns to me.)

Clerk, to me: “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

Invisible Incentive

| Burton on Trent, UK | Uncategorized

(There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero”, which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I had just sold a copy to a customer who returned to the store 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Are you OK there?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

More Than A Few Crossed Wires

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, can you tell me how to get to your store? I’m coming from the north end of the city.”

Me: “OK, you’ll need to head south on 14th Street–”

Caller: “Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, you’re going too fast.”

Me: “OK, sorry. You will need to head south–”

Caller: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! Now explain it to me like a civil human being, and tell me how to get to your f***ing store!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am. If you just head south–”

Caller: “What in God’s name is wrong with you? All I want to do is get to your f***ing store so I can get some f***ing music! Is that so d*** much to ask for? Look young lady, I just got out of brain surgery and I can’t deal with your bulls*** right now. You need to talk slowly to me. OK, forget it, you’re wasting my time. I’ll find my way there myself! *hangs up*

Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor

, | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a painfully shy 13-year-old, and a customer somehow mistook me for an employee.)

Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “NO?!”

Me: “No!”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “… I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.”

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

, | Dallas, TX, USA | Money, Religion

(My coworker has just put together a very expensive PA System for the pastor of a church.)

Coworker: “Alright pastor, is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Pastor: “No… thank you. I’m very grateful for all your help. What is the price, son?”

Coworker: “Well, after all of the added items and sales tax, your total comes to $4,478.89.”

Pastor: “What!? Let me ask you this… what would JESUS pay for this?!”

Coworker: *without delay* “Sir, Jesus paid the ultimate price and died for your sins. Your total is still $4,478.89.”

(The pastor was not amused, but paid the full amount.)

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