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    Symphony In Underage Minor

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    (I work at a music store which also offers private lessons. There’s a student practicing on a piano when another customer comes in.)

    Me: “Welcome to [music store], how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a to buy a piano for my son. He’s starting lessons next week.”

    Me: “Digital, upright, or grand?”

    Customer: “I just want a piano!”

    Me: “Certainly. This is the Roland RD-700GX, which–”

    Customer: “Is that girl for sale with that piano?” *points to the girl*

    Me: “Uh, no, ma’am. That is a student. She’s just practicing.”

    Customer: “Well, I want that girl to teach my son! How much does she cost?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she is NOT for sale.”

    Customer: “She’s not? But she’s sitting right there! This is false advertisement!”

    Me: “We sell pianos, ma’am. Not children.”

    Customer: “But it’ll be so romantic to have that playing in the background during meals!”

    Me: “Ma’am. For the last time, she is not for sale. Please stop.”

    Customer: *walks over to girl* “Hello!”

    Girl: “Uh…hi?”

    Customer: “How much do you cost?”

    Girl: *without missing a beat* “Lady, you must be really desperate if you’re looking for a hooker in a music store!”

    Customer: *quickly leaves the store*

    Songs In The Key Of Clueless

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (A customer walks in with a saxophone case, looking very worried.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I want to sell my violin, it’s in great condition.”

    Me: “Certainly, can I see the violin please?”

    Customer: “Yes, sure.”

    (At this point he opens up the sax case and places a nearly new tenor sax on the table.)

    Me: “Uh, sir, that’s a saxophone, not a violin.”

    Customer: “No, no, it’s a violin. I’m sure of it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m telling you it’s a saxophone. A violin has strings, and a bow.”

    Customer: “No. It’s a violin. You think I don’t know a violin when I see one?”

    (The argument continues in this fashion for another 5-10 minutes.)

    Me: “Sir, are you still trading this instrument in? We can sort this out later.”

    Customer: “…what’s an instrument?”

    Me: *face palm*

    For The Love Of God, Gestate

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, can I speak with [another employee] in the keyboards department?”

    Me: “I’m afraid [another employee] is on maternity leave. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Well, when is she coming back?”

    Me: “Realistically, in about a year.”

    Customer: “Well, can she hurry it up!?”

    Me: “She’s… having a baby.”

    Customer: “I know that! Just tell her to hurry it up!” *hangs up*

    May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Top

    (I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

    Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

    Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

    (The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a bad called Wet Noodle.”

    (I put one and one together and interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

    Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

    (The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction and then turns to me.)

    Clerk, to me: “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

    Invisible Incentive

    | Burton on Trent, UK |

    (There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero”, which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I had just sold a copy to a customer who returned to the store 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “Are you OK there?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

    Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

    Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

    Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

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