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    For The Love Of God, Gestate

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, can I speak with [another employee] in the keyboards department?”

    Me: “I’m afraid [another employee] is on maternity leave. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Well, when is she coming back?”

    Me: “Realistically, in about a year.”

    Customer: “Well, can she hurry it up!?”

    Me: “She’s… having a baby.”

    Customer: “I know that! Just tell her to hurry it up!” *hangs up*

    May We Suggest Hoobastink and Led Hindenburg

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Top

    (I overhear this odd exchange while shopping at a local used music store. It takes place between the clerk and a woman with a heavy accent.)

    Customer: “I am looking for a CD of band called Wet Noodle.”

    Clerk:Wet Noodle? I don’t think we have anything like…”

    Customer: “You have it! My grandson says he wants the CD of band Wet Noodle!”

    (The clerk searches for the band on his computer, to no avail.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any record of any products by a bad called Wet Noodle.”

    (I put one and one together and interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean Limp Bizkit?”

    Customer: “Yes! Some band like Wet Noodle or Limp Bizkit or some food!”

    (The clerk gets the CDs for the lady, finishes her transaction and then turns to me.)

    Clerk, to me: “I’m giving you every discount I know of.”

    Invisible Incentive

    | Burton on Trent, UK |

    (There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero”, which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I had just sold a copy to a customer who returned to the store 10 minutes later.)

    Me: “Are you OK there?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

    Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

    Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

    Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

    More Than A Few Crossed Wires

    | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, can you tell me how to get to your store? I’m coming from the north end of the city.”

    Me: “OK, you’ll need to head south on 14th Street–”

    Caller: “Whoa whoa whoa… slow down, you’re going too fast.”

    Me: “OK, sorry. You will need to head south–”

    Caller: “Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice! Now explain it to me like a civil human being, and tell me how to get to your f***ing store!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am. If you just head south–”

    Caller: “What in God’s name is wrong with you? All I want to do is get to your f***ing store so I can get some f***ing music! Is that so d*** much to ask for? Look young lady, I just got out of brain surgery and I can’t deal with your bulls*** right now. You need to talk slowly to me. OK, forget it, you’re wasting my time. I’ll find my way there myself! *hangs up*

    Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’m a painfully shy 13-year-old, and a customer somehow mistook me for an employee.)

    Customer: “Can you help me find something?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “NO?!”

    Me: “No!”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “… I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.”


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