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    Let It Rip

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA |

    (I work at a music store, which also sells tickets to local concerts. I have just finished selling tickets to this customer.)

    Customer: “What happens if these get ripped?”

    Me: “Most of the venues will still take the ticket as long as you have all of the pieces and the concert information is legible. If the tickets do get ripped, though, be sure to call the venue ahead of time. Just to be sure they’ll still honor them.”

    Customer: “I went to [well-known amusement park] and they wouldn’t let me in because my ticket was ripped.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

    Customer: “I saw them ripping the tickets as people went in. I ripped mine while waiting in line, to save time. Do you know how this place will rip the tickets? I’d like to do it before I get there.”

    Me: “I thought you were talking about accidentally ripping the tickets. Yeah, I have no idea how this place will rip the tickets. You really shouldn’t rip any tickets on purpose.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “You never know if the ripped ticket will still be honored. You might end up not getting in and wasting your money.”

    Customer: “But it saves time!”

    Hannibal On Line Two

    , | Falls Church, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of dealership].”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the body parts department?”

    Me: “Do you mean the body shop?”

    Righteous Indie-nation

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (A customer walks over to the first aisle and taps each and every last CD case with his finger while saying either ‘mainstream’ or ‘sell-out’. He proceeds to do this with every single CD in the store, which takes him about 25 minutes. He then walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What a bunch of mainstreamers you guys are! Don’t you have anything more obscure?”

    Me: “We do have a pretty large indie section, which you seemed to have skimmed over.”

    Customer: “You call those indie? I’ve heard of every single one of them. They’re all sell-outs.”

    Me: “So, what is it that you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “How the h*** should I know? If I’ve already heard of it, I wouldn’t buy it.”

    Bad Jokes Are Music To Their Ears

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Customer: “Hey, do you guys carry any mandolins?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “How about…” *dramatic pause*Wo-mandolins?”

    Me: “No.”

    (The customer leaves with a grin on his face.)

    Next customer: “Really?”

    Watashi Whaaa

    | United Kingdom | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I really like Japanese animation and am learning Japanese as a second language so I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what kind of music would you recommend? I want to know what CD I should buy.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t think I listen to the kind of music you’d be interested in.”

    Customer: “That’s not very helpful. Just tell me what kind of music you like.”

    Me: “Well, I listen to a lot of Japanese songs.”

    Customer: “I love that song!”

    Me: “It’s not just one song. There are a lot of songs in Japanese.”

    Customer: “Really? How many.”

    Me: “Oh, far too many to count. There are thousands!”

    Customer: “Well that’s a bit silly, isn’t it, what’s the point in making songs in a language that no one can understand?”

    Me: “A lot of people understand Japanese.”

    Customer: “Like who?”

    Me: “The people who live in Japan?”

    Customer: “You mean Japan’s a real place?! Well, you learn something new every day!”


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