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  • Mentally Unplugged

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, [music store], this is [my name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where the h*** do I plug this guitar in?”

    Me: “Oh, you have an electric guitar there? And an amplifier?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this beginner’s all-in-one package from you guys, and when I opened the box, there’s a cord missing.”

    Me: “Um, if you bought the ‘Strat Pack’, it should come with a six foot black cable in a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have that. But where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Just plug one end into the guitar near the bottom, and the other end into the amp where it says ‘input’.”

    Customer: “No, I got that already. Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Um…you already have it connected to the amp?”

    Customer: “Yeah, now how do I plug it in? There’s no cord!”

    Me: *confused* “Um, I don’t think I understand how you can plug in the guitar and not have it plugged in.”

    Customer: “It’s plugged in to the amp already! The amp is plugged in to the wall! How do I plug the GUITAR in to the WALL? It’s an ELECTRIC guitar, right?”

    Me: “Ohhh! If you already have it plugged in from the guitar to the amp, then it should work already. Did you try turning on the amp and strumming the guitar yet?”

    Customer: “That’s not how it works, is it?!”

    (I hear fumbling noises in background, followed by a very loud “TWANG!”)

    Customer: “Well, how the h*** did that happen?”

    Me: “Got it okay now?”

    Customer: *slams phone down with a BANG*

    Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

    Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

    Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

    Me: “Right, then.”

    (I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

    Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

    Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

    One More Lonely Girl In The World

    | USA | Uncategorized

    (This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

    Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

    Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

    Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

    (He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

    Me: “You okay, sir?”

    Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”

    The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

    | Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

    Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

    (She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

    Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

    Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

    Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

    Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

    Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

    Customer: “But they’re German!”

    Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

    Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

    Of Objects And Objectivity

    , | London, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

    Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

    Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

    Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

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