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  • Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

    Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

    Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

    Me: “Right, then.”

    (I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

    Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

    Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

    One More Lonely Girl In The World

    | USA |

    (This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

    Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

    Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

    Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

    (He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

    Me: “You okay, sir?”

    Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”

    The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

    | Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

    Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

    (She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

    Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

    Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

    Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

    Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

    Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

    Customer: “But they’re German!”

    Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

    Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

    Of Objects And Objectivity

    , | London, UK |

    Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

    Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

    Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

    Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

    The Prince Of Darkness Gets A Bad Rap

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, hello. I was just wondering if any of you there are Black Sabbath fans?”

    (I ask my other coworkers.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. No one here seems to be huge fans or anything. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Caller: “Yeah! I need to know the name of this Black Sabbath song! It’s got a real sick beat, but I don’t know what it’s called!”

    Me: “Oh, well, if you know the lyrics I can look them up online for you to find out the title. If you’d like, I can find out if we have that CD right now.”

    Caller: “That’s the thing! I don’t know the lyrics! It just goes, ‘dunnnn, dunnn dunnnn’.”

    (He proceeds to attempt to hum the song for a few more minutes.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But I really don’t know the name of that song.”

    Caller: “Isn’t anyone older there? Or someone that likes older music?”

    Me: “No, sorry. We’re all just a bunch of ‘young’ins’ here.”

    Caller: “Ah, I see. You are all too busy listening to rap music to know what Black Sabbath is. Thanks anyway!”

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