I make a living as a musician, but I supplement my (inconsistent) freelancing by working on-call at a place that offers group piano and pre-piano lessons, primarily with children around kindergarten age.
The mother of one of the kids in my class pulled my boss aside within earshot of me.
Client: “I don’t like the new teacher. He’s just too tall to be dealing with kids.”
She leaned in closer.
Client: “And his hair is too long.”
A customer comes into our music, DVD, and game store.
Customer: “Do you sell BBQs?”
Me: “No… sir. We sell music, films, and games. Only.”
Customer: “Are you sure? I need to BBQ something urgently!”
He looks around one more time as if I lied to him, and then he leaves begrudgingly.
Coworker: “Looking for a BBQ in a music store on its own is somewhat stupid. It being December and snowing outside is really pushing that man into full idiot.”
I work in a music store. A customer comes in with some questions.
Customer: “My kid’s gonna be in band this year. Which instruments are in the band?”
Me: “Well, there’s flute, oboe, clarinet, saxophone—”
Customer: “Saxophone? Isn’t that a computer program?”
Me: “…no. It’s a woodwind instrument.”
Customer: *Laughs* “I always thought it was computerized. You mean Kenny G was actually blowing into something?”
Me: “…yes.”
I work at a record store. (Yes, they still exist.) A customer comes in, and I can only describe her as a stereotypical Sunday church Black woman.
Customer: “I’m looking for that song — it goes like, ‘Jeeeeeeesus, Jeeeeeesus!'”
She sings with no specific melody or any other lyrics.
Me: “That could be a lot of different gospel songs, ma’am.”
Customer: “Yeah, but it goes like, ‘Jeeeeeeesus, Jeeeeeesus!'”
Me: “I’m afraid I can’t find the song based on that… snippet, ma’am.”
Customer: “Big store like this?! Lord knows you should have it!”
Me: “Maybe you could try asking Him?”
I thought I would get into trouble, but she actually nodded and started walking around the gospel section saying, “Jeeeeeesus, Jeeeeeesus,” like a game of hide-and-seek.
I was a customer some twenty years ago hanging out in the electronic music section of my local music store when another customer approached me.
Customer: “Hey, I am looking for a particular song. Can you help me?”
Me: “Uh, yeah, sure?”
Customer: “It goes kind of like this: ‘dee doo dee doo dee doo’. And there is this baseline that goes ‘boom, chuck, boom, chuck’ and some vocals that sound like ‘lekketekke vaseline’. Do you know what I mean?”
I did… not.
