On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 2

| New York, USA | Bigotry, Top

(Note: My coworker (who is flamboyantly homosexual) and I are the only two people working at the time.)

Coworker: “Hey ya, how’re you doing today? Is there anything we can help you find?”

Customer: “Leave me alone.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

Customer: “I said leave me alone!”

(While the customer browses, I head to the back to get some categorizing done. I come back at the request of my coworker, only to hear the customer yelling.)

Customer: “I will NOT be serviced by some f****t! You people are gonna burn in h***, and I don’t want you taking me down with you!”

Coworker: *on the verge of tears* “Sir, I’m really just trying to—”

Customer: *points to me* “HIM! Let HIM help me! Ain’t no f****t gonna handle my records! You, there! With the beard! Come help me, please!”

(Instead of helping the customer, I wrap my arm around my coworker’s shoulder. Note that I’m not gay.)

Me: “Is my boyfriend unable to help you with your transaction, sir?”

Customer: *looks horrified and sprints out of the store*

Related:
On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

Mentally Unplugged

| San Diego, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

Me: “Hi, [music store], this is [my name]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Where the h*** do I plug this guitar in?”

Me: “Oh, you have an electric guitar there? And an amplifier?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this beginner’s all-in-one package from you guys, and when I opened the box, there’s a cord missing.”

Me: “Um, if you bought the ‘Strat Pack’, it should come with a six foot black cable in a plastic bag.”

Customer: “Yeah, I have that. But where do I plug it in?”

Me: “Just plug one end into the guitar near the bottom, and the other end into the amp where it says ‘input’.”

Customer: “No, I got that already. Where do I plug it in?”

Me: “Um…you already have it connected to the amp?”

Customer: “Yeah, now how do I plug it in? There’s no cord!”

Me: *confused* “Um, I don’t think I understand how you can plug in the guitar and not have it plugged in.”

Customer: “It’s plugged in to the amp already! The amp is plugged in to the wall! How do I plug the GUITAR in to the WALL? It’s an ELECTRIC guitar, right?”

Me: “Ohhh! If you already have it plugged in from the guitar to the amp, then it should work already. Did you try turning on the amp and strumming the guitar yet?”

Customer: “That’s not how it works, is it?!”

(I hear fumbling noises in background, followed by a very loud “TWANG!”)

Customer: “Well, how the h*** did that happen?”

Me: “Got it okay now?”

Customer: *slams phone down with a BANG*

Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

Me: “Right, then.”

(I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

One More Lonely Girl In The World

| USA | Uncategorized

(This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

(He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

Me: “You okay, sir?”

Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”

The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

| Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

(She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

Customer: “But they’re German!”

Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

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