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    Left In The Dark Ages

    | Houma, LA, USA | Bigotry

    (Note: I am left-handed. I’m working at a music store when the most wonderfully old-fashioned customer comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh… oh, my! Are you writing with your LEFT hand?” *pulls a cross on a necklace from under her shirt*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’ve always been left handed. Is there anything I can assist you with?”

    Customer: *frantically waves the cross around* “I’m sorry. I can’t shop here. You lefties are so unnatural; I thought they stamped you all out in elementary school!”

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 2

    | New York, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (Note: My coworker (who is flamboyantly homosexual) and I are the only two people working at the time.)

    Coworker: “Hey ya, how’re you doing today? Is there anything we can help you find?”

    Customer: “Leave me alone.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

    Customer: “I said leave me alone!”

    (While the customer browses, I head to the back to get some categorizing done. I come back at the request of my coworker, only to hear the customer yelling.)

    Customer: “I will NOT be serviced by some f****t! You people are gonna burn in h***, and I don’t want you taking me down with you!”

    Coworker: *on the verge of tears* “Sir, I’m really just trying to—”

    Customer: *points to me* “HIM! Let HIM help me! Ain’t no f****t gonna handle my records! You, there! With the beard! Come help me, please!”

    (Instead of helping the customer, I wrap my arm around my coworker’s shoulder. Note that I’m not gay.)

    Me: “Is my boyfriend unable to help you with your transaction, sir?”

    Customer: *looks horrified and sprints out of the store*

    Related:
    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

    Mentally Unplugged

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, [music store], this is [my name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where the h*** do I plug this guitar in?”

    Me: “Oh, you have an electric guitar there? And an amplifier?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this beginner’s all-in-one package from you guys, and when I opened the box, there’s a cord missing.”

    Me: “Um, if you bought the ‘Strat Pack’, it should come with a six foot black cable in a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have that. But where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Just plug one end into the guitar near the bottom, and the other end into the amp where it says ‘input’.”

    Customer: “No, I got that already. Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Um…you already have it connected to the amp?”

    Customer: “Yeah, now how do I plug it in? There’s no cord!”

    Me: *confused* “Um, I don’t think I understand how you can plug in the guitar and not have it plugged in.”

    Customer: “It’s plugged in to the amp already! The amp is plugged in to the wall! How do I plug the GUITAR in to the WALL? It’s an ELECTRIC guitar, right?”

    Me: “Ohhh! If you already have it plugged in from the guitar to the amp, then it should work already. Did you try turning on the amp and strumming the guitar yet?”

    Customer: “That’s not how it works, is it?!”

    (I hear fumbling noises in background, followed by a very loud “TWANG!”)

    Customer: “Well, how the h*** did that happen?”

    Me: “Got it okay now?”

    Customer: *slams phone down with a BANG*

    Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre

    (It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

    Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

    Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

    Me: “Right, then.”

    (I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

    Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

    Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

    One More Lonely Girl In The World

    | USA |

    (This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

    Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

    Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

    Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

    (He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

    Me: “You okay, sir?”

    Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”


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