Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,758 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

    Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

    Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

    (I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

    Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

    Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

    Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

    Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

    Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

    One Word Republic

    | Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40′s approaches my register.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

    Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

    (I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

    Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!’”

    (I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

    Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

    Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

    Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

    Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

    Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

    (He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

    Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

    Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”

    It’s Gonna Be Them, This I Promise You

    | Portsmouth, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (A customer comes into the music store where I work and asks me and my coworker if we can identify a song for him.  He sings a little bit and I immediately recognize it as being by NSYNC.)

    Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s not them. A woman sings it.”

    Me: “I’m sure the song you were singing is by NSYNC. I’ll show you the CD.”

    Coworker: “She’s right, sir. The song you want is definitely by NSYNC.”

    Customer: “It’s by a WOMAN! I’ll find it myself!”

    (A little while later, the customer comes up to the register with a CD by Alicia Keys.)

    Customer: “This has to be it! It sounds just like her!”

    Me: “Okay, but I have to warn you that we do not give refunds on open CDs, so if you find out this isn’t the right one you won’t be able to return it.”

    Customer: “I’m sure it’s the right one!”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t want to give the NSYNC one a try?”

    Customer: “It’s not by them! I told you already!”

    (I sell the man the CD and watch as he walks across the parking lot to his car. He sits in his car for a few minutes, gets out, and starts to head back to the store with the CD and wrapper in his hand.)

    Customer: “This isn’t the song I wanted! I need to return this!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, as I said a few minutes ago, we cannot give refunds for CDs that have been opened.”

    Customer: “But I just bought it!”

    Me: “I understand that, but I told you before you bought it that it was not right one. You didn’t want to listen to me.”

    (The customer and I go back and forth for a few minutes.)

    Me: “Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one.”

    Customer: “It’s not them! It’s a woman!”

    Me: “Humor me. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one and if it turns out that I’m wrong, I’ll give you a refund. What have you got to lose?”

    Customer: “This is a waste of my time! Fine!”

    Me: *gets the CD for him and does the exchange*

    Customer: “I’ll be back for my refund!”

    (Again, I watch the man walk to his car. Not surprisingly, after listening to the CD for a few minutes, he starts his car and then drives off.)

    Don’t Vex The D-Rex

    | Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Top

    (At the music store where I work, two girls who are probably in their early-mid teens approach my till, hand in hand. I go through their rather long order, and after awhile they start getting really overtly sexual—feeling one another up, biting necks, etc.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but can you please not do that in the store? That kind of behavior isn’t really appropriate for public places and it makes some of our customers uncomfortable.”

    Girl #1: “What the f***? What’s wrong with kissing my girlfriend? F***ing homophobic b****!”

    Me: “Homophobia has nothing to do with it. Those kind of activities aren’t appropriate in public when they’re disturbing others.”

    (Girl #2 by this point seems completely uncomfortable, but Girl #1 just keeps rolling along.)

    Girl #1: “It’s a**holes like you that make this world horrible! You f***ing homophobe! How dare you tell me I can’t kiss my girlfriend in public! I wanna talk to your f***ing manager! I’m going to get you fired!”

    (The Manager on Duty has been standing nearby with a huge grin on his face.)

    Me: “Yo, wanna weigh in on this, boss man?”

    Manager: “No, no. I’ll let you break it to her…”

    Girl #1: *to my manager* “You’re not going to tell her off for being a homophobe?! What, do you have a problem with queer people too, you f***ing a**hole?!”

    (My manager just folds his arms and his grin gets even bigger.)

    Manager: “Not really. She’s also the last person I’d accuse of being homophobic.” *to me* ”So how’s your girlfriend, [me]?”

    Me: “Well, she got her certification and is working as an electrician. So, pretty well I think.” *to the girls* “Incidentally, I’m not a ‘homophobic b****’… I’m a raging dykeasaurus. I also know that there’s a time and a place for groping my girlfriend, and a mall full of people isn’t on the list. It’s called public decency and has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Now, are you going to stop swearing and act like a big girl, or am I going to void this transaction and kick you out?”

    Girl #1 & Girl #2: *both look absolutely mortified and go quiet*

    (Later on, Girl #2 actually came back with a coffee shop gift card and apologized. She was as sweet as could be and totally embarrassed. She apparently loved the word ‘dykeasaurus’, though, and I got a $10 gift card out of it!)


    Page 2/1012345...Last