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    That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

    Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

    Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

    But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

    , , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

    Me: “You all set?”

    Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

    Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

    Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches

    , | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (After helping a middle aged man find many CDs…)

    Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

    Me: “Ryland.”

    Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

    Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

    Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

    Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

    , | San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA | Top

    (A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…)

    Woman: “I need some tickets!”

    Me: “What show?”

    Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Woman: “The concert.”

    Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on, which one do you want to see?”

    Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.”

    Me: “Who’s playing?”

    Woman: “A bunch of people…I don’t know.”

    Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?”

    Woman: “No.”

    Me: “When?”

    Woman: “No–why can’t you find my tickets?!?”

    Me: “I need something to go on.”

    Woman: “It’s a concert!”

    Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.”

    (She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.)

    Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?”

    (The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is and on what day.)

    Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.”

    Me: “…”

    Woman: “We need two tickets…TOGETHER!”

    Me, looking at dude: “Are you sure?”

    (He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.)

    Personally, I Like Scarlet Flaming Capsicum Powder

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I work at a music store attempting to help customers find music they want and restocking the shelves. It’s almost time for my shift to end, at about 8PM at night when Old Rowdy Guy comes in. He walks straight to me.)

    Old Rowdy Guy: “Yes, do you have them whatchamacallit…Crimson Hot Chili Spices?”

    Me: “Yes sir, do you mean the Red Hot Chili Peppers?”

    ORG: “No, no, it’s another band. It’s got a song that goes doo dooo dah dee dooo.”

    Me: “I don’t recognize the song sir.”

    ORG: “What? It’s on the radio all the time!”

    (He continues the song for a couple more seconds and a bell rings inside my head.)

    Me: “Oh, you must mean Ill Crimson?”

    ORG: “NO!”

    (Old Rowdy Guy starts storming around looking around the aisles of CD’s. He starts getting angry and frustrated and yells, “I’ve been everywhere!”)

    Me: “Calm down sir, do you know any of the lyrics?”

    ORG: “No! I want to speak with your manager!”

    (I call the manager over, he’s heard our “conversation.”)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    ORG: “He won’t help me find this band!”

    Manager: “Do you know any of the lyrics of a song or the band’s name?”

    ORG: “Crimson Hot Chili Spices.”

    Manager: “Red Hot Chili Peppers?”

    ORG: “YES THAT’S THE ONE! How does this employee not know them?”

    Manager: “He did mention the band, sir.”

    ORG: “No he didn’t! Managers don’t argue with customers!” *customer storms out*

    (We laughed about him for awhile before closing up.)

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