Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

, | Dallas, TX, USA | Money, Religion

(My coworker has just put together a very expensive PA System for the pastor of a church.)

Coworker: “Alright pastor, is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Pastor: “No… thank you. I’m very grateful for all your help. What is the price, son?”

Coworker: “Well, after all of the added items and sales tax, your total comes to $4,478.89.”

Pastor: “What!? Let me ask you this… what would JESUS pay for this?!”

Coworker: *without delay* “Sir, Jesus paid the ultimate price and died for your sins. Your total is still $4,478.89.”

(The pastor was not amused, but paid the full amount.)

That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

, | Toronto, Canada | Top

(I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

, , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

Me: “You all set?”

Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

Two Letters And A Hundred Stitches

, | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(After helping a middle aged man find many CDs…)

Customer: “Thank you… what’s your name?”

Me: “Ryland.”

Customer: “Thank you for your help, Ryan!”

Me: “No, no. My name is Ryland.”

Customer: “Ryland? What the h*** kind of name is that? You better watch out, you’re going to get attacked one day!”

Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

, | San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA | Top

(A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…)

Woman: “I need some tickets!”

Me: “What show?”

Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.”

Me: “Which one?”

Woman: “The concert.”

Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on, which one do you want to see?”

Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.”

Me: “Who’s playing?”

Woman: “A bunch of people…I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “When?”

Woman: “No–why can’t you find my tickets?!?”

Me: “I need something to go on.”

Woman: “It’s a concert!”

Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.”

(She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.)

Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?”

(The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is and on what day.)

Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “We need two tickets…TOGETHER!”

Me, looking at dude: “Are you sure?”

(He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.)

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