We Have No Store, For The Record

| NYC, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I’m sure most of you have heard about Hurricane Sandy and the devastation it wreaked upon New York. Our store faced severe damage and was nearly completely destroyed. A couple of days after Sandy left the city I went back in to assess the damage and begin business continuity operations. I was searching through the rubble to find anything salvageable when amazingly, the phone began to ring.)

Me: “Um, hello.”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Music Store]?”

Me: “Yes, yes it is.”

Customer: “Why haven’t you guys sent me the record I ordered yet? It was supposed to be here three days ago. I’ve been ringing and ringing.”

Me: *confused* “Umm…”

Customer: *angry* “DON’T GIVE ME THAT ATTITUDE! I DEMAND THAT YOU BRING ME THE RECORD IN PERSON! TODAY!”

Me: “Sir, you are aware that the city has just been hit with one of the worst hurricanes in recorded history?”

Customer: “THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE. I DEMAND MY RECORD AND I’LL BE COMPLAINING TO YOUR SUPERVISOR FOR YOUR TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE.”

Me: “I’d be glad to give you your record once we have our business running again. Unfortunately we are presently unable to trade. I will contact you as soon as we are available for business once more.”

Customer: “I’M GETTING MY RECORD TODAY EVEN IF I HAVE TO COME AND SMASH DOWN YOUR DOOR AND TAKE IT FROM YOU!”

Me: “Go right ahead. We have no door. We’ve got about half a wall too. You’re welcome to come and search the rubble with me.” *click*

Music With A Beautiful Ending

| NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Musical Mayhem

(I’m a teenage girl and interning at the local music store my dad works at. As he is also a musician, he has many instruments (guitars, basses, drums, etc.) that he will occasionally leave in his car overnight. The night before this happens a guitar was stolen from his car. My dad describes it, and tells me to be on the lookout for it. As luck would have it, the thief brings it in to try to sell.)

Thief: “I was wondering how much I could get for this guitar.”

(I recognize the guitar.)

Me: “Of course. Let me just look it up.”

Thief: “Just hurry up. I’m really busy.”

Me: “I’m having some trouble finding it. Let me just grab my dad. He knows more about this stuff.”

(After I explain everything to him, my dad leads me back to the register.)

Dad: “Sorry about that, sir. What did you want to do with this guitar?”

Thief: “I wanted to know how much I could get for it.”

Dad: *pretending to look something up* “Funny thing, that guitar is coming up as stolen.”

Thief: *goes white* “That’s insane, my best friend gave this to me last night!”

Dad: “Well, he can’t be a very good friend if you’re already trying to sell it.”

Thief: “You’re crazy, man. I just want to sell this guitar.”

Dad: “[My Name], go in the back and call the cops, would you?”

(Before I could do anything the thief abandoned everything and ran out the door. My dad’s coworker called the cops, and they picked up the thief a few blocks away. The best part was that my dad got his fairly expensive guitar back!)

Bring You Bach To The Future

, | MN, USA | History, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: *has a strange, whistly and whiny voice* ” Hi, I’d like some organ music by Bach, played by Bach.”

Me: “Well, we have a lot of recordings of Bach’s organ music but we don’t have any of him performing it.”

Caller: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Recording technology hadn’t been invented when Bach was alive.                 ”

Caller: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Well, in the late 1800’s, Thomas Edison invented—”

Caller: “[My Name], it’s [Coworker].”

(One of my coworkers had played the perfect music nerd prank on me!)

Justice Is Music To My Ears

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I have been employed at this store for maybe two weeks and haven’t learned the antiquated computer system for instrument rentals yet. A customer comes in and asks for a used instrument to rent monthly. I go down into the catacombs, pick out the best quality one [as I was trained to do] and come back up after about five minutes. I input her stuff into the computer, and can’t get it to print correctly.)

Customer: “I’m getting really tired of waiting.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this is my first time doing a monthly contract and I’m not sure—”

Customer: “I would have loved to have been there for your job interview. What, are you related to someone?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I mean seriously, are you working this job to get through DeVry? Just print the d*** contract.”

Me: “I’m trying to, ma’am, but—”

Customer: “It took you so long to get back up from the basement because you got lost, right?”

(She continues this tirade for the next five minutes as I keep trying – and failing – to print her contract correctly. Finally, my boss walks out of his office.)

Boss: “Ma’am, we won’t be renting you this instrument today. You should go.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Boss: “Believe it or not, [My Name] is worth more than a clarinet, and based on how you’ve treated him, I can only imagine the horrible stuff you’d put a clarinet through. You should go.”

Customer: “Well, if this MORON actually had two brain cells—”

Boss: “This moron has read more books than you have sentences. Please leave.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m going to tell all my friends not to come here.”

Boss: “The way you treat people? You don’t have any friends. Goodbye, and don’t come back.”

(She storms out, as I stand flabbergasted.)

Boss: “I’d rather close than serve customers like that.”

(Best. Boss. EVER.)

The Son Of Mondegreen

, | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.'”

Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

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