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    Kids Love To Wise-Crack

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids

    (I give activity sessions for young children at a small museum in Scotland. During one of the sessions, the children have to guess what a mystery object is – in this case, some tobacco leaves.)

    Me: “So you’ve guessed it’s some leaves. Does anybody know what leaves these are? A clue is the smell.”

    (The children look nonplussed, understandably.)

    Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t know what this is. You’re all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?”

    Child: “CRACK!”

    War Can Be Taxing

    | Coventry, CT, USA | History

    (I work at a house museum that specializes in Revolutionary War era history (1770s). In the gift shop, I am ringing a woman and her son out.

    Me: “Okay, so you’re buying a quill pen for $2 and some ink for $3. We don’t have tax, so your total will be $5 even.”

    Customer: “No taxes? Is that because taxes hadn’t been invented back then?”

    Me: “Actually, taxes are what we fought the whole Revolutionary War about.”

    Customer: “What war?”

    Stupid Is Just The Tip Of The Iceberg

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (I work as an artifacts specialist at an exhibit featuring artifacts from the Titanic wreck. We also have a large “iceberg” to show people how cold the water was the night the ship sank.)

    Customer: “So is this the actual iceberg that sank the Titanic?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a frosted piece of plastic to show how cold the water was.”

    Customer: “So where in this place is the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?”

    Jurassic Lark

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

    Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

    Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

    Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

    Un-Beaver-able

    | Litchfield, CT |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if every creature you have a statue of is actually living?”

    Me: “Yes sir, everything you see in here you can find somewhere in the wilderness.”

    Customer: “Then why do you have a beaver?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me. If everything in here is actually a living creature then why do you have beavers?”

    Me: “Well sir, beavers are living creatures. Haven’t you ever seen one in the pond down the road?”

    Customer: “What? Beavers are real? My whole life I thought they were mythical creatures.”

    (The customer walks away, looking lost and confused.)

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