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    Have Customer, Will Poke

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (At the museum where I work, I see a patron knocking on one of our replicas with his knuckles.)

    Patron, to wife: “Hey look, honey. This here is a replica!” *knocks again*

    Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”

    Patron: “But it’s a replica, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, it is, but we still ask that you don’t touch it.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s not under a glass case, which means that it is not valuable. I have every right to touch it.”

    Me: “No, actually–”

    Patron: “Yes! If I see something that’s not cased, it means I can touch it, AND I WILL TOUCH IT!”

    The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

    Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

    Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

    Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees

    | Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA |

    (I’m 17 and am volunteering at the museum for a ride that takes you on a trip to Mars.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can my son go in there?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no room and this is the last ride.”

    Customer: “Hmph.” *drags her son away and whispers something to him*

    Customer’s son: “Um, hi.”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer’s son: “My mom told me to flirt with you so I could see the ride.”

    Me: “Uh… yeah. I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer’s son: “Okay.” *goes back to his mother*

    Customer: “Well, fine then, young lady. I want to see your manager.”

    Me: “Okay, he’s the man over there in the blue shirt with gold collars.”

    Customer: “I’m going to tell him you won’t flirt with my son!” *goes away and takes her son with her*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.


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