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    Stupid Is Just The Tip Of The Iceberg

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (I work as an artifacts specialist at an exhibit featuring artifacts from the Titanic wreck. We also have a large “iceberg” to show people how cold the water was the night the ship sank.)

    Customer: “So is this the actual iceberg that sank the Titanic?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a frosted piece of plastic to show how cold the water was.”

    Customer: “So where in this place is the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?”

    Jurassic Lark

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

    Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

    Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

    Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

    Un-Beaver-able

    | Litchfield, CT |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if every creature you have a statue of is actually living?”

    Me: “Yes sir, everything you see in here you can find somewhere in the wilderness.”

    Customer: “Then why do you have a beaver?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me. If everything in here is actually a living creature then why do you have beavers?”

    Me: “Well sir, beavers are living creatures. Haven’t you ever seen one in the pond down the road?”

    Customer: “What? Beavers are real? My whole life I thought they were mythical creatures.”

    (The customer walks away, looking lost and confused.)

    There’s No Such Thing As Two Stupid Questions

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “What is the parking pavilion for?”

    Me: “This is the main parking lot for the museum.”

    Customer: “And how much is the the…” *strains to read sign* “…free shuttle?”

    Me: “It’s completely free to ride. It runs until 8 pm.”

    Customer: “…at night?”

    Have Customer, Will Poke

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (At the museum where I work, I see a patron knocking on one of our replicas with his knuckles.)

    Patron, to wife: “Hey look, honey. This here is a replica!” *knocks again*

    Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”

    Patron: “But it’s a replica, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, it is, but we still ask that you don’t touch it.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s not under a glass case, which means that it is not valuable. I have every right to touch it.”

    Me: “No, actually–”

    Patron: “Yes! If I see something that’s not cased, it means I can touch it, AND I WILL TOUCH IT!”

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