(I work at a museum catering to children. A man and his son are examining our electronic magnifier, which has clear instructions in large type right next to it.)
Dad: *yanking and knocking on machine* “How does this stupid thing work?!”
Son: “Well, did you read the directions?”
Dad: “What directions?!”
Son: “The words under that big sign that says ‘Directions’.”
This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree
Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!
- War Can Be Taxing:
The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
- Taxation With Agitation:
It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
- Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
- Taxing Customers:
However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
- Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)
Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”
(I work in a museum. I don’t answer phone calls when I am working with visitors, and have missed multiple phone calls from the same number. They never leave a message. All pertinent information such as hours and admission prices are on the phone message. A visitor approaches the desk.)
Me: “Welcome to the museum!”
Visitor: “You never answer the phone.”
Me: “I do if I have the opportunity.”
Visitor: “I’ve called several times in the last week.”
Me: “That was you?”
(I verify their name matches the caller ID.)
Me: “If you’d left a message, I would have gotten back to you.”
Visitor: “I didn’t want to leave a message. I just wanted to see if you were open.”
Me: “The voicemail message should say that our hours are–”
Visitor: “Yes, I know when your hours are!”
Me: “Then why did you keep phoning?”
Visitor: “I wanted to see if you were actually open!”
Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*
Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”
Me: “Yup, you sure can.”
Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”
Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”
Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”