This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree, Part 2

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I work at a museum catering to children. A man and his son are examining our electronic magnifier, which has clear instructions in large type right next to it.)

Dad: *yanking and knocking on machine* “How does this stupid thing work?!”

Son: “Well, did you read the directions?”

Dad: “What directions?!”

Son: “The words under that big sign that says ‘Directions’.”

Related:
This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

Weekend Roundup: Attack Of The Tax!

, , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

  1. War Can Be Taxing:
    The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
  2. Taxation With Agitation:
    It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
  3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
    We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
  4. Taxing Customers:
    However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
  5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
    Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

When Reality Is An Iceberg

| Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Tourists/Travel

(This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

Museum Hours Negotiable

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work in a museum. I don’t answer phone calls when I am working with visitors, and have missed multiple phone calls from the same number. They never leave a message. All pertinent information such as hours and admission prices are on the phone message. A visitor approaches the desk.)

Me: “Welcome to the museum!”

Visitor: “You never answer the phone.”

Me: “I do if I have the opportunity.”

Visitor: “I’ve called several times in the last week.”

Me: “That was you?”

(I verify their name matches the caller ID.)

Me: “If you’d left a message, I would have gotten back to you.”

Visitor: “I didn’t want to leave a message. I just wanted to see if you were open.”

Me: “The voicemail message should say that our hours are–”

Visitor: “Yes, I know when your hours are!”

Me: “Then why did you keep phoning?”

Visitor: “I wanted to see if you were actually open!”

Open Doors May Require Open Minds

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

Me: “Yes?”

Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”

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