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    When Reality Is An Iceberg

    | Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

    Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

    Museum Hours Negotiable

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work in a museum. I don’t answer phone calls when I am working with visitors, and have missed multiple phone calls from the same number. They never leave a message. All pertinent information such as hours and admission prices are on the phone message. A visitor approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Welcome to the museum!”

    Visitor: “You never answer the phone.”

    Me: “I do if I have the opportunity.”

    Visitor: “I’ve called several times in the last week.”

    Me: “That was you?”

    (I verify their name matches the caller ID.)

    Me: “If you’d left a message, I would have gotten back to you.”

    Visitor: “I didn’t want to leave a message. I just wanted to see if you were open.”

    Me: “The voicemail message should say that our hours are–”

    Visitor: “Yes, I know when your hours are!”

    Me: “Then why did you keep phoning?”

    Visitor: “I wanted to see if you were actually open!”

    Open Doors May Require Open Minds

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

    Me: “Yes?”

    Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

    Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

    Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

    Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”

    When Photos Are Exposed

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. We do not allow the use of photography in the museum.”
     
    Guest: “I wasn’t taking a photograph!” *shows me her phone*
     
    Me: “Sorry, the way you were holding your phone looked as if you were taking a photograph. Although not only did you take a photograph, but you saved it as your cell phone wallpaper and are currently showing it to me.”

    Spaced Out

    | New Mexico, USA | History, Math & Science

    (I work in the astronomy section of my local natural history museum, which features several large NASA photos. A visitor approaches me and points at a picture of an astronaut doing a spacewalk.)

    Visitor: “What is that astronaut doing?”

    Me: “Oh, he’s doing a spacewalk.”

    Visitor: “You can walk…in space?!”

    Me: “Well, no. They just sort of float there while tethered to the spacecraft. They only do it when they need to exit the shuttle to do repairs.”

    Visitor: “Oh…” *points at a photo of Apollo 11 launching* “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s Apollo 11 launching to put the first humans on the moon.”

    Visitor: “Oh…why didn’t they just build a big ladder?”

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