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    This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree, Part 2

    | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (I work at a museum catering to children. A man and his son are examining our electronic magnifier, which has clear instructions in large type right next to it.)

    Dad: *yanking and knocking on machine* “How does this stupid thing work?!”

    Son: “Well, did you read the directions?”

    Dad: “What directions?!”

    Son: “The words under that big sign that says ‘Directions’.”

    Related:
    This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

    Weekend Roundup: Attack Of The Tax!

    , , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

    1. War Can Be Taxing:
      The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
    2. Taxation With Agitation:
      It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
    3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
      We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
    4. Taxing Customers:
      However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
    5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
      Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    When Reality Is An Iceberg

    | Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Tourists/Travel

    (This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

    Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

    Museum Hours Negotiable

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work in a museum. I don’t answer phone calls when I am working with visitors, and have missed multiple phone calls from the same number. They never leave a message. All pertinent information such as hours and admission prices are on the phone message. A visitor approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Welcome to the museum!”

    Visitor: “You never answer the phone.”

    Me: “I do if I have the opportunity.”

    Visitor: “I’ve called several times in the last week.”

    Me: “That was you?”

    (I verify their name matches the caller ID.)

    Me: “If you’d left a message, I would have gotten back to you.”

    Visitor: “I didn’t want to leave a message. I just wanted to see if you were open.”

    Me: “The voicemail message should say that our hours are–”

    Visitor: “Yes, I know when your hours are!”

    Me: “Then why did you keep phoning?”

    Visitor: “I wanted to see if you were actually open!”

    Open Doors May Require Open Minds

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Visitor: “Excuse me, miss, is that a door?” *points to the door as two people walk through it*

    Me: “Yes?”

    Visitor: “Oh…well, can I walk through it?”

    Me: “Yup, you sure can.”

    Visitor: “Are you sure? I don’t remember there being a door here before.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you are staring at a real door and it is perfectly safe to use.”

    Visitor: “I’m confused. I’m just going to use the doors downstairs.”


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