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    They Don’t Know Jack

    | London, England UK | Extra Stupid, History, Movies & TV

    (While working at an artefact exhibit for the RMS Titanic, I am standing by a list of all passengers and crew on board. The list is broken down by class and survived or lost. )

    Customer: “This list is wrong. I can’t seem to find Rose’s or Jack’s name.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Rose DeWitt-Bukater, and Jack Dawson. I looked everywhere in the list, and they’re not there.”

    Me: “No, they wouldn’t be.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid. Rose should be in the first class list, and Jack should be in the third class. This is wrong.”

    Me: “Because they’re not real.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure they were.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely sure they were not.”

    Customer: “Well in the movie—”

    Me: “In the MOVIE, Rose gives them a fake name and tells them she’s in third class. She would be listed as Rose Dawson if she existed. And Jack won his ticket in the first ten minutes of the movie, so his name would have not been on a record anywhere, which the movie pointed out in the first five minutes. And it’s a movie.”

    Customer: “Next you’re going to tell me the Heart Of The Ocean is fake too!”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “Then what did I spend £20 on? What a waste of money!”

    E Pluribus Dumbum, Part 2

    | Berkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, History

    (Our museum has a big display of Roman materials. I’m sitting in the second room: a room full of mosaics. Next door is the first room: a room full of Roman tools. We have an example of almost every Roman tool I’ve ever seen. A lady and her daughter walk out of the first room, into the second.)

    Daughter: “How did they make all of these things, mummy?”

    Lady: “All of them BY HAND! The Romans had NO tools!”

    Related:
    E Pluribus Dumbum

    Bigots Don’t Get A Discount

    | Germany | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at the ticket office of a museum. Tickets are €4 for children, and €6 for adults. We also have a family ticket for €17. A mother with two children comes in.)

    Customer: “I’d like a family ticket for me and my kids.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’d actually be cheaper to buy three separate tickets.”

    Customer: “Are you trying to tell me we’re not a family just because I’m a single mum? I can’t believe you’re discriminating against single parents!”

    Me: “I’d never. In fact, I was raised by a single mother myself.”

    Customer: “What if a gay couple came in with two children? Would you give them a family ticket?”

    Me: “Yes, I would, because it’s a better deal for them.”

    Customer: “So, those fancy rainbow families get a discount, but a hard-working single mum of two who can hardly make ends meet doesn’t?”

    (Before I can respond, the customer grabs her children and storms off.)

    Discrimi(nation)

    | Canada | Bigotry, History, Themed Giveaway, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at a museum which features a large permanent exhibit of local First Nations artefacts, living spaces, and other historical paraphernalia. Because of this, we offer free admission to First Nations patrons. I have just finished printing tickets for two First Nations women. The next woman in line is Caucasian.)

    Woman: “Did they just get in for free?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Me: “They’re First Nations. We offer free admission to those with status cards.”

    Woman: “But that’s outrageous! I have to play $15, and they get in free just because they’re lazy natives?”

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Woman: “It’s not our fault they spend all their money on booze and can’t afford the museum! Why should they get in for free?”

    Me: “Ma’am! This museum features artefacts that were at one time stolen from the local bands. They are now put on display in exhibits of cultural history, of which the museum now makes a profit. You think we should charge the members of the culture it was stolen from to come see it?”

    Woman: “Yes!”

    Moving Pictures From A Moving Story

    | Washington, DC, USA | History, Spouses & Partners, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I am visiting the Holocaust Museum. I am in a room full of framed pictures and digital displays, with picture slideshows of the war crime trials. There are some teenagers sitting around playing on their phones. An old couple are looking at the slideshows.)

    Old Woman: “How do you get the pictures to stop moving?”

    (She tries touching the screen.)

    Old Man: “Here, let me try.”

    (They both assume it is a touch-screen, and are pressing hard against it.The teenagers see this, and start laughing to each other.)

    Teenager: “Look at these senile old people!”

    (They begin filming the old couple, who are still trying to get the slideshow to stop. A tour guide has heard the noise, and comes over to see what is wrong.)

    Guide: “Can I help you?”

    Old Woman: “Yes, what button do we need to press to get the picture to stop?”

    Guide: “You can’t stop them; it’s a looping slideshow. I think it’s only for two minutes, so you can just wait for it to repeat.”

    Old Woman: “But those pictures change so fast!”

    Guide: “Is there a reason you need to see all these pictures?”

    Old Man: “Yes, I’m looking for the pictures of the bench.”

    Guide: “Oh, well there are several photos just over here from the trials. Here’s one.”

    (He directs them to the opposite wall to several pictures hidden among a few dozen others.)

    Old Woman: “There you are!”

    (She grows very excited, and points to the picture as though she had spotted something she had been looking for.)

    Old Man: “Yep, got my American Flag pin on.”

    (The old man reaches into his coat pocket, and shows the tour guide the pin. The teenagers have shut up by this point, and stopped filming. The tour guide then leads the old couple around the corner to show them more pictures of the trials. I walk up afterwards, and look at the picture. Seated at the bench were the Nazi war criminals that had caused so much death and destruction. Behind them are a line of American soldier guards. While most of the men have no medals or pins on, I spot the one soldier wearing an American flag pin over his heart. Don’t judge a book by its cover. That same man who had difficulty with a foreign device was entrusted to stand watch over some of the worst men of the twentieth century.)


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