October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!


| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Religion

(I work as an educator in a science museum in St. Louis. One of the activities in my section of the museum involved putting together the cast of a Dromaeosaurus skeleton.)

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “I know why this dinosaur died.”

Me: “You do?”

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “He was a smoker.”

(Later that day, a middle school group is passing by…)

Seventh-Grade Girl: *addressing her peers* “This dinosaur died because he didn’t believe in Jesus.”

A Titanic Lie

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | History, Movies & TV, Tourists/Travel

(In 2012, I am working at the end of the Titanic exhibit next to the wall of names of those who lost their lives. Next to the wall, is a sign saying that Jack and Rose from the movie are fictional characters, and were not actually present on the ship.)

Patron #1: “Did you know that Jack and Rose were real live people?”

Patron #2: “Oh, wow! I didn’t know they actually existed!”

Patron #1: “Oh, yeah! But the only reason they’re not on any lists is because Jack won his ticket and Rose changed her name!”

Me: “Ladies, if you’ll notice the sign next to the wall of the lost, you’ll see that they were actually fictional characters that never existed.”

Patron #1: “What? You lie! THEIR LOVE WAS REAL AND SO WERE THEY!” *storms out of the exhibit*

Physically Hilarious

| PA, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

(I work at a science museum, running interactive exhibits that demonstrate scientific principles, although mostly it’s just fun and games. I’m currently running an exhibit that consists of a unicycle on a track 20 feet in the air; it’s held steady by a 300-pound weight underneath it, and rides simply like a bike with an elaborate seat belt. The bike does wobble, and we’re told to warn people of that.)

Me: “Once you put your feet on those peddles, you will feel the bike sway. That’s alright; it’s supposed to happen. With the weight underneath you, there’s no possible way you’ll fall.”

Guests: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m sure. If you fall, I’m going to be way more concerned about the laws of physics breaking.”

(Surprisingly, not many guests think I’m funny.)

Banana Drama

| Austria | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(My colleague is a highly educated man about twice my age and works as a guide/educator in several prestigious museums, including a family-friendly house dedicated to nature and natural sciences, where the following occurs. Two young mothers let their toddlers run around wildly in an exhibition space while chatting. One of the mothers starts handing out bananas to the kids.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but eating is not permitted here.”

Visitor: “I thought you were supposed to be a family-friendly museum. Am I supposed to let the poor kids go hungry?”

Colleague: “Of course not, ma’am. We have a nice, large picnic area where you’ll surely be much more comfortable. There you can also warm up milk or food, if necessary. Let me show you where it is.”

Visitor: “Why can’t you just let them finish their bananas here?”

(My colleague points to a very small child holding a half-eaten banana like a pen, smearing it all over a white wall.)

Colleague: “That’s why.”

(Instead of leaving the area, the very same lady grabs her kid, takes out a blanket and a diaper.)

Colleague: *in a much sterner tone* “If you wish to diaper your baby, I must insist on you using the specially designated room, ma’am, JUST OVER THERE.” *points to the other end of the hall* “There is such a thing as odour nuisance.”

(This time she yields and begrudgingly takes her stuff and the kid to the baby care room. After a few minutes she comes out and ostentatiously chucks the dirty diaper in a waste basket just outside the washrooms. The place, of course, starts to reek.)

Colleague: *in a perfectly calm tone* “What kind of pigsty did YOU escape from, madam?!”

(Whereupon they stormed off, never to be seen again…)

They Know Much Ado About Nothing

, | Stratford-Upon-Avon, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work in the gift shop at one of William Shakespeare’s houses, and we get a lot of very silly questions from customers.)

Customer: “Excuse me, did Shakespeare write The Wind in the Willows?”

Me: “…No, they didn’t have motor cars in the 17th century, I’m afraid. They weren’t invented until the last 1800s.”

Customer: *considers it for a second* “Hmm… Yeah, I’m not sure about that. Can you look it up for me?”

Me: *Googles it*The Wind in the Willows was written by Kenneth Grahame in 1908.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s not too far in the future from Shakespeare’s stuff, is it?”

Me: “Madam, Shakespeare died in 1616.”

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